I can’t handle hocd or denial!!!!!!!

I’m a young teenager and a girl and have been having the worst time dealing with hocd or denial. Just to make a point before I start, *i am not here for reassurance, just help*. So for about a year I have been struggling with my sexual orientation. It all started when I thought a girl on the tv was gorgeous and I thought I felt an arousal. However, when I was little I would sometimes play dress up games online, and would try and find the naked cartoon ones. I’m pretty sure that I tried to find naked guy ones, but yeah it’s weird and to think that I liked that is ehh. Not going to lie, the female body is pretty, from a females perspective, but I don’t want to be dating one because the thought is disgusting. The male body is amazing too, but all my friends like guys with abs but that’s not what I like. I fall for a guy with a personality, but am not attracted to abs. I have only had guy crushes and when I saw lesbians on tv I would think it’s weird. I’m not homophobic, but I am just fighting a battle. My childhood past scares me. What if I really did like what I did? I feel like I am constantly denying it. I just want an outsiders perspective. I am also seeing a councillor in school which isn’t about hocd, more about being bullied, but those sessions have made me feel better about this. Where do I go from now? Any thoughts on my situation?

I feel like now that I want a lesbian relationship because I have given up.

I remember hugging my crush at the start of the year too, and wow just a hug and it felt amazing and I still feel the same thinking about the hug. But I get nervous around girls and guys, also awkward.

Now I’m thinking that I have had natural attractions to girls all my life, yet I don’t want to be with one.

The thing is, I’m struggling with the fact that I don’t get attracted to guys instantly by their looks or muscles, but once I get to know them, I like them. Arrghhh how do I face these fears head on?

Can someone please let me know how to get over hocd? I don’t think it is anymore and it is killling me. I think I feel attraction to girls, and don’t get instantly attracted to guys. I used to draw boobs on barbies (I know weird) but then I would make out with what I think were the guys ones (pretty positive they were). I can’t take it anymore

It's normal to like guys with personality, rather than drooling over abs, etc. I think it's just a matter of personal preference and doesn't necessarily 'mean something.' I'm the same in that I don't feel much from just looking at men. My hocd also likes to latch on to that as proof that I'm lesbian. But really I think it just means we value emotional connection and personality over anything superficial.

OCD will cause to overthink. Best to not look into it much!

Thank you for the reply. I’m glad that there are people out there with the same issue. I’m just trying to think of ways to get over hocd. And also I am feeling that I’m a lesbian but I hate it, but I don’t want to reassure myself. I feel like the feelings and crushes I have had for guys was just because I wanted to like them but idk. Merry Christmas anyway!

I can’t take it any longer. The attractions feel real and I’m scared and I don’t want them. I don’t know what to do

I can’t take it. I like the thoughts now. What I once thought were disgusting, I now like. I hate it. I want to die I just want to be with a guy but I don’t like them now

how are you doing now?