I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE. (TOCD)

sickofbeinginvalid wrote:Someone please reach out. This is getting overwhelming and I just keep getting more and more angry, depressed, hopeless, and lost by all of this. Will I ever get better? Do I need to transition to be happy? I feel like if I was truly trans then I would know the answer to be yes, but I don’t think that is the answer for me. I don’t have a clear desire to be or present female. I want to be feminine, not a female. I want to be how I was before; a homosexual male who didn’t question their gender before. I’ve lost hope. I’ve seen posts by people like freshguy on these forums who originally came to OCD forums about a fear of being trans but then saying that they realized that they are trans after all. Every time I see somethimg about trans people I get triggered and I spike. I don’t want to be trans, I just want to be how I was before. And if I had a choice between death and transitioning into a woman I would choose death. I don’t want to ######6 be a woman.