Questions for people suffering from HOCD

Hello! I hope you all are surviving as best as you can with all this bs.

I just have some questions I need answered so if you guys can please reply that would be awesome
I have been going through this for about a year now and I've gotten to a point where I am not even anxious. Like really I can move on but I do have days where I start fearing I could be a lesbian and that possibility doesn't even cause anxiety, which has caused me to come up with some questions. Maybe its a way of reassurance idk but whatever it is I would greatly appreciate any responses

1.) Do you ever get this sense of surety that you are gay/bi/lesbian.Its just like a moment or few moments of certainty that thats what you are but it doesn't even last long & it doesn't even cause anxiety?

2.) Do you get afraid when you find people of the same gender attractive and your mind starts racing with thoughts that you like them??

3.) Do you feel afraid of making friends of the same gender because you feel you might start liking them, or that one day in the future that you might end liking someone of the same sex? (I am so afraid to go to nursing school in January because of all the girls that will be there. I am scared I'll end up liking one of them)

4.) When you think of things like relationships and marriage , and your future do you automatically start thinking you are gay/lesbian/bi?

5.) Are your thoughts of the opposite sex sometimes replaced by the same sex? For example you might be thinking of a guy or girl but then the image in your head, the thoughts in your head are replaced by the same sex?

7.) Do you get uncomfortable when someone of the same sex looks at you? (This happens to me a lot. I just get so angry for some reason and I just start feeling I am gay because they are looking at me and get worried if I am liking it? if thats makes any sense) Second part of the question do you guys ever get uncomfortable and anxious when someone of the same sex comes in closer proximity to you like in the bus or train??

8.) This one might not apply to everyone but for those who lack relationship experience do you sometimes feel that its like a hidden sign or something that you might be gay? For me at times I do wonder if its a sign that I am gay because I've honestly no experience with guys platonic or romantic, and on top of that I am VERY INSECURE and I am constantly plagued with thoughts like " no guy is ever going to be interested in me because I am not good enough and all that fun stuff"

9.) Do you question all the past crushes you have had , or relationships and feelings for the opposite sex you had and wonder whether you were even attracted to them in the first place in the sexual/romantic sense you thought you were? Whether it was all just some lie that you never knew about?

10.) This might be a weird one but do your thoughts start with I or you? like "I might be blah blah" or "you might be.."

11.) Do you ever forget its anxiety and OCD because it feels too real and you get caught up in it? Because seriously I don't know what I am anymore and again it doesn't even cause me anxiety.

Thank you for reading this. I hope and pray that all of you going through any kind of OCD can overcome it.

Hey, 30 year old male with HOCD since age 19. I'll answer your questions best I can

1. Yes I have fleeting moments that I'm gay. This is usually after I see a clip or picture of a nice looking man and I will think "yes I'm gay." This last for maybe a minute and then I'll say "no, something doesn't seem right. Well maybe I'll think about kissing him. Naww, wait let me check again to see if it's attraction. He's not that nice looking." So in short yes I do have a moment of "certainty" but it is short.

2. It's the biggest I've had since 2006. I've had problems looking at male friends, co-workers and strangers in the eyes because they are nice looking. In my opinion, it's the worst factor of OCD, because this same sex "attraction" has now translated to the real world.

3. Yes I do. However, in the end making friends is both beneficial for your social life and also a good way to overcome OCD. I have some nice looking male friends and befriending them didn't lead me to seek a relationship with them. Though since I'm not gay, it shouldn't be surprising.

4. Yes. I've never had a girlfriend, though at times I'd like to get married and have a child. Interestingly, my thoughts are me being a single parent and I rarely think about what my wife will look like, which of course causes me to spike. "Oh you'll be a in same sex marriage with an adopted kid." It's ridiculous.

5. Yes it happens, although I've overcome that to a degree. If I find a woman attractive I'm going to think about her.

6. (a) I get uncomfortable at times, however, if you have eyesight you're going to look at people. My HOCD made me not want to look at guys in a public setting for fear I was giving a "vibe" but that's irrational. (b) No, I generally don't get anxious when I'm in close proximity with a guy. I practice Brazilian jiu-jitsu, so I'm wrestling with guys almost every day lol.

7. YES and I honestly think that was the catalyst for my HOCD in May 2006. I had no girlfriend and this insecurity and sadness caused my OCD to find a new obsession: that I was gay and in denial. My mind was chaotic that whole summer until I found an online forum that addressed HOCD.

8. I've questioned it, but I don't pay the doubts any thought because it's through the cloudy lens of OCD. I KNOW that the crushes and romantic encounters I've had with women were real because I genuinely cared about them.

9. Yes, but not just for OCD, but virtually everything. "I need to pay the bills, do the laundry, vacuum, drop this off at work." LOL sorry but I had to inject some humor.

10. Yes, it's a why OCD is called the doubting disease and I'm here 11 years later. No amount of reassurance with change it, because it feels real. It's manageable some days and bad on others. However, despite my "giving up" and "coming out" there is a part of me that says I'm not gay and being irrational. Being gay/lesbian is more than just finding a member of the same sex attractive, it's a yearning to be with a man, and I've never wanted that.