Thought narration.. Is it OCD?

Hey guys

I'm new to this forum so apologies in advance if I'm posting in the incorrect area.

I have been suffering from what I think is anxiety/OCD. Mine is very fear based(ie losing family and friends) however lately I've been having racist words popping up in my head. Everytime I see a certain race a racial slur / word pops up. It makes me feel ashamed and embarrassed and I feel terrible.

Unfortunately it doesn't stop there. Apparently I verbalize these intrusive thoughts unknowningly... Actually it's come to my attention that I talk to myself yet I never hear myself. I've had people answer me back and I'll be surprised because I had no intention of voicing what I was thinking.

Is this OCD or something else? I am seeing a Dr. but she doesn't seem entirely convinced I'm voicing my thoughts (these aren't delusions or hallucinations. It's my internal dialogue that's being externalize unknowingly)

It has me very worried cause I think I may have offended coworkers by saying something awful even though I didn't mean to think or say it.. My workplace is very gossipy and unsupportive. I've been getting weird looks and some people have turned their face when I said Good Morning. Even my manager is avoid me

I feel very alone and have been crying behind closed doors in my office cause I feel awful to have caused anyone hurt. I feel like I'm going crazy and have no control over my body

Most of what you have said could be caused by OCD (though I am not saying you have OCD). The obessive fears and instrsuve thoughts are something I have suffered.

It is not uncommon for someone with an anxiety disorder (such as OCD) to believe they have done something wrong without having proof that they did it. '

**trigger warning**
For instance, there are more than a few people who have a hard time driving because they feel they have hit someone or caused an accident without any proof that they did
**end trigger warning**

I think it's for this reason that your Doctor isn't entirely convinced that you are voicing your thoughts. However, when you say...

I've had people answer me back and I'll be surprised because I had no intention of voicing what I was thinking.

That throws a wrench into the idea that you are imagining these things.

Otter.

Thank you for your response.
I'm pretty sure I'm voicing my thoughts unknownigly but I don't know if this is a symptom of OCD?

The hate and glares at work are very real and I've heard coworkers making fun of me.
It's not paranoia.

I don't understand how I can say something and not know it or hear it aloud?

Daisy77 wrote:I feel like I'm going crazy and have no control over my body

Daisy77 wrote:Apparently I verbalize these intrusive thoughts unknowningly...

You have internal thoughts that you are giving voice to out loud outside of your control. I think you might find it beneficial to pop into the Dissociative Identity Disorder forum and see if you relate to anything additional there: dissociative-identity/

One thing I started to notice a bit before I became more aware of my DID is that some people would comment on me saying certain things and I hadn't realised I'd said them. Usually I'd do this with a slightly different way of articulating my words than normal and people found that "cute" and so would comment on it.

Daisy77 wrote:Mine is very fear based(ie losing family and friends)

This is fairly common in lots of mental health conditions. It might point to you feeling this way in childhood initially? If it did point to you feeling this way in childhood, that would also give a basis for you to have developed a mental health condition because you didn't receive adequate support in your childhood to soothe your fears and develop a strong sense that others would be there for you.

Daisy77 wrote:Everytime I see a certain race a racial slur / word pops up. It makes me feel ashamed and embarrassed and I feel terrible.

This also partly makes me wonder if your issues are dissociative because you feel competing ways; on the one hand you think of the slur, on the other, you disagree with the slur. Dissociation can split off thoughts into opposing views that have trouble being reconciled. Is there is a compulsive action that you follow after thinking these things? It seems like it's just based in your thoughts currently.

It might not be anything to do with what I've suggested also. You haven't written heaps, and even if you had, it's not like anyone here can diagnose you. If you really want to know what's going on for you, the best course of action would be to see a professional who has experience dealing with a wide range of mental health conditions and can appropriately assess, and rule in and out, what might be going on for you.