I'm truly gay

By now I'm 100% sure that I'm gay/bi. Even the psychiatrist talks in a way that suggests me being one. She just keeps telling me what would be wrong with being gay and that's it's accepted more and more, and that I should just accept it.
I feel real arousal, attraction and everything towards guys. There is not even a slight chance of it being HOCD. It's not possible an obsession would cause all of this.

I don't know what to do and I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess I'm still looking for reassurance, but it doesn't help me anyway, because I'm truly gay. I am sure I am and can't accept it. Nobody has it like me. I'm not even depressed or too anxious anymore, I just try to ignore everything like everything is fine and I'm not sure how I'm even able to. I'm living in the closet and denying everything.

Everyone writes like they are the exception and that they feel it's very real, but nobody has it quite like me. Every post I read suggests they have HOCD and they feel deep down that they are not really gay. They don't get real arousals and everything.
I'm not like that, I actually am the exception and I actually am gay with obsessions.

I need help nobody can provide me with. You can't cure gayness, but you can cure HOCD, that's why there is no help for me.

Well, you say your gay but why aren't you happy with it? I believe that if you are truly gay it wouldn't depress you or anything. Your therapist is probably trying to get you to change the way you view being gay by saying the stuff they said, mine does it too sometimes basically the way to retwire your brain is through CBT or ERP. With CBT you have walk yourself through logical facts and allow yourself the possibility of being gay. I have tried it for a few hours or 1-2 days and your brain actually calms down which why you say you aren't anxious anymore. I think you need to keep going to therapy. It's the best way to treat problems like this.

Is your doctor trained specifically in treating OCD and Pure-O? If not, then it could potentially be making things worse for you. Saying things like "just accept it" are NOT going to help someone who has an obsession around their sexual orientation.

Hi,

My usual disclaimer that I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist, so please treat this as friendly words from somebody who has been through OCD. Obviously anything recommended by your doctor or psychologist will take precedence over anything I write.

You did not tell us if you have actually been diagnosed OCD. There is no such thing as a self-diagnosis and no such thing as a diagnosis on an Internet forum. A diagnosis of OCD can only be ascertained by a medical doctor specialised in mental health: Ie a psychiatrist. It is clear you are currently under a lot stress, which might be caused by OCD or by another condition. So, as a first thing, you should as a matter or priority see your psychiatrist and get their advice. They should be able to give you an official, explicit medical opinion on whether or not you are affected by OCD.

I will add a few words on the symptoms you described, but this is not and should not be interpreted as any sort of medical diagnosis.

I see there being two possibilities: Either you are gay and this is causing you distress or you are not gay and doubting you might be is causing you distress.

Really, only you can know the answer to this.

When you think about being in an intimate relation with another guy, do you feel pleasure/comfort and then guilt about such feelings? Or do you just feel anxiety at the thought you could find it something you liked, and then try convincing yourself you don't actually like it?

If you are gay... Well, what can you do? It's not your fault is it? Some people have blond hair, some have brown hair. Some people are right-handed, some left-handed. Some heterosexual, some homosexual and some bisexual...

The main issue is it's clearly causing you a lot of stress and axiety. Then, this is something you want to work on. But before, you will need to address the previous question of whether you actually are attracted to guys.

amhdas wrote:
If you are gay... Well, what can you do? It's not your fault is it? Some people have blond hair, some have brown hair. Some people are right-handed, some left-handed. Some heterosexual, some homosexual and some bisexual...

The main issue is it's clearly causing you a lot of stress and axiety. Then, this is something you want to work on. But before, you will need to address the previous question of whether you actually are attracted to guys.

I mean, sure that's the politically correct idea. But Who actually knows that it's something that must be a fixed point in your life. Let alone why should it be kept sacred? The infancy of brain science or biology/genetics has not exactly proven the link and smoking gun to what makes our attractions along the spectrum or others.

Btw, self diagnosis isn't necessarily a bad thing either. It's better to have one, but I'm sure there's more than a few people out there and probably here who have ocd, but didn't get the diagnosis from a psych doctor.

I'd argue that that question should not be answered until after the anxiety and such are fixed because it will influence your thought anyway.

amhdas wrote:Hi,

My usual disclaimer that I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist, so please treat this as friendly words from somebody who has been through OCD. Obviously anything recommended by your doctor or psychologist will take precedence over anything I write.

You did not tell us if you have actually been diagnosed OCD. There is no such thing as a self-diagnosis and no such thing as a diagnosis on an Internet forum. A diagnosis of OCD can only be ascertained by a medical doctor specialised in mental health: Ie a psychiatrist. It is clear you are currently under a lot stress, which might be caused by OCD or by another condition. So, as a first thing, you should as a matter or priority see your psychiatrist and get their advice. They should be able to give you an official, explicit medical opinion on whether or not you are affected by OCD.

I will add a few words on the symptoms you described, but this is not and should not be interpreted as any sort of medical diagnosis.

I see there being two possibilities: Either you are gay and this is causing you distress or you are not gay and doubting you might be is causing you distress.

Really, only you can know the answer to this.

When you think about being in an intimate relation with another guy, do you feel pleasure/comfort and then guilt about such feelings? Or do you just feel anxiety at the thought you could find it something you liked, and then try convincing yourself you don't actually like it?

If you are gay... Well, what can you do? It's not your fault is it? Some people have blond hair, some have brown hair. Some people are right-handed, some left-handed. Some heterosexual, some homosexual and some bisexual...

The main issue is it's clearly causing you a lot of stress and axiety. Then, this is something you want to work on. But before, you will need to address the previous question of whether you actually are attracted to guys.

While I'm sure you mean well I think the questions you posed in the post will probably cause him or others to spike. Mos of us with HOCD believed that we were straight before we were afflicted with this obsession. I thought I was straight for years and now I've worried if I'm gay since 2006. I've never had a relationship with a man or actively sought one. However, my HOCD will say I'm delaying the inevitable. My attraction to women has diminished which has caused me more stress.

This is a powerful disorder because it can't be effectively tested. You can test for STDs and if you've locked a door. There is no test for sexual orientation.

I'm not 18 yet, and so my psychologist I first went to told my mom that it's OCD.
But that doesn't mean I'm not gay. Everything I'm feeling is real and nobody on this forum has it even close, because they are not really gay and have obvious OCD cases, even though it doesn't seem like it to them. But deep down they know they are not gay, at least most of them say that, but I can't.
I'm actually gay with potential OCD.

I tried accepting it, ignoring it, and everything, but it doesn't help. I just can't accept it. The best I can do is try to ignore the fact I'm gay because I live in denial and am afraid to come out of the closet.

I don't know what to do

mc1 wrote:There is no test for sexual orientation.

Would the world and society accept such a test if there was one? Judging by current political outlook and the preference to push acceptance blindly, I'm willing to bet that's a no because most people seem to not want to care or know what their orientation is. I'd also think it might open Pandora's box into possibilities of more than just testing for it, which people are afraid of due to past failed attempts. I personally think it would be a great thing to have, even going so far to say making it a choice for adults to decide for themselves what they want. Will we ever get there in our lifetime? Probably not though.

Hey, I just wanna say, I have it like you do. My psychiatrist and therapist both say the OCD can in fact do that... they have examples of patients who have had OCDs and felt aroused by children, dead people, etc.
But I'm on the same boat as you. I feel like what I have is not actually OCD because I actually feel very mentally aroused even though I don't get an erection, and that doesn't seem to be the case for the people here

The thing is, if you're walking around afraid of the possibility of finding the same sex attractive, then you are more likely to interpret things that way.

This is because your brain is processing symptoms of fear as arousal. It's called misattribution of arousal and something a lot of people with hocd, pocd, etc. struggle with.

I think the longer your question things, it can seem a bit blurred. I also don't have that deep down sense that it's all OCD and I'm 100% straight. If you think about it, when you question anything for long enough it tends to produce a lot more questions instead of answers. People with OCD find this concept extremely hard to grasp. It's just how our brains are wired.