Taking a step towards understanding my OCD

Today, about an hour ago I took the step to join a forum to be able to talk to people about my OCD and depression, even thou they are considered to be moderate but I feel that my depression is taking over my thoughts.
I obsess about being envied, envying someone, or seeing people I love being harmed or dying. I think the latter is due to that my father passed away last year as a victim to pancreatic cancer, and I was somehow suffering of PTSD (images of him in the hospital bed extreamly jaundiced and in a coma, images of my mother crying her lungs out, when we were in his funeral). I also lost the only guy I loved, he turned out to be an asshole and he confessed that he likes some other girl at the same time when I was in the worst of times with my father in the hospital (short phase before he passed away).
I keep saying phrases which help me calm and I try to be as close to God as much as I can to feel less terrible But it's not working at all! I know working out would help but I have NO TIME AT ALL! I'm in medical school and in my latest years so having spare time to workout is not available as it used to be before. No one of my friends is here to listen, no one cares, I feel alone and angry, sad, very upset at my self and sometimes my decisions. I blame my self for everything and I hate my self too much somedays that waking up seems like trying to push a mountain out of place.
I wish I would find someone to talk to and feel like my self with, I feel too lonely and broken, my trust in people has been damaged. I am afraid of all guys/ males generally, I keep thinking no one is loyal and no matter how good I am i'll still be cheated on or getting bored of as before.
I wish that I'd become a paediatric psychiatrist or perhaps a Neuropsychiatrist and human brains impress me on so many levels, but the deeper i get into psychology the more I realise how fragile yet beautiful the human brain is.
I'd love the listen and talk to everyone here. This is my first time to get on a forum.
Ps. I wanted to visit a psychiatrist but my mom refused and told me that I don't need to, therefore I'm trying to reach out for help by writing semi anonymously on here. Thank you for reading <3. even a simple response would mater to me!

To me, this doesn't really sound much like OCD but then again I'm not a doctor and we aren't the ones that diagnose. I think you're obviously hurting a lot and your body is trying to defend itself but unknowingly you've built up all this anger inside yourself maybe from all the upsetting things that happened and you find yourself constantly sad or afraid of guys because you've been hurt. You can heal a bit by shifting your perspective. It's terrible to lose your father but you can at least know he's not suffering anymore and the guy you loved, well think that it's better you found out about him sooner and you can find an even better guy in the future. That's shifting your perspective. Also try and make time for yourself because stress from school builds on negativity and sadness in anyone if it is not balanced.