OCD about existential depression

hi everyone, my name is pj and i'm 20. i struggle with ocd/anxiety/depression off and on.

i created an account on here a couple of years ago when i had a depression relapse but i don't remember the login credentials (whoops!)

anyways, to make a long story somewhat short, i've been really struggling with very intrusive existential thoughts. this all started a couple years ago when i first posted on here. i was going through a tough time. my parents split up (they're ok now btw) i had a BAD spell of rOCD and everything just piled up and resulted in me becoming very depressed. And i got that scary thought that all depressed people get "am i going to be like this forever? i hope i'm not like this forever".

so, i browsed self-help forums online and came across one titled "Existential Depression". hm, okay, i'll check this out. (worst decision ever) it basically said people with existential depression get it from contemplating the meaninglessness of life. "ok? whatever" i thought. but then i read further and it said "this depression is not cureable, once you have it, you have it for life"

RED FLAG, ABORT MISSION

I always had existential thoughts before this. but they were out of curiosity, amazement. "what is the point of life? hm, idk. oh well" then move on with my life.

but after reading that and knowing these thoughts cause depression for life scared the crap out of me. so my depression got worse. every thought of hope that i would get, my intrusive thoughts would say "there's no point to that or anything, you're gonna die soon" and it was so hard to fight them because.. well it's true?

a few months passed and the thoughts went away, my life was great, got a new job, moved in with friends etc. the thoughts didn't bother me. but two years later now, they're back and i'm depressed again.

has anyone gone through this? my main fear is that i have acquired existential depression. i don't want that. i just want to live life and enjoy it, but my thoughts make it hard:( any help is welcomed. if you went through this, please tell me how you got out of it. thank you

Hi-
What you read: "this depression is not cureable, once you have it, you have it for life"
is not true.
I was diagnosed with major depression, told I will always be depressed, that I will need those psych drugs for the rest of my life, but it wasn't true. I am no longer on psych drugs since 2013 and I no longer fit the major depression diagnosis.

I was also diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I read that it too will last a lifetime. Although I fit the diagnosis for decades I no longer fit it either (done a lot of healing, starting with my first competent psychotherapy in 2011)

My OCD is better, I am resisting the few compulsions I still have and I think it is working. Even my tics, (Tourette's) are better.

So much of what is written online and in books, and what professionals tell you, so much that is not TRUE. It is amazing. Be skeptical of what you read and hear.

atina