Brand new here

I normally don't like discussing my condition openly.I have had a bad week and i feel terrible.I havebeen having nightmares my counting problems are bad and my diet is terrible due to my ocd.I have been doing things in numbers to avoid the outcomes and when i challenge the thought i end up being punished.I feel like its some kind of super power sometimes.I have predicted things strange things.A few days ago entered a local store to buy some rubbing alcohol.I have a issue with having to grab so many things put them back and grab one of a certain order.So if i touch three bottles i have to grab the fourth.I ignored my thought and when i did i said to myself watch there be blood on the bottle and on the third bottle there was a red substance that looked like blood on the cap.This was a brand new bottle in the store.I have had ocd all my life and was not diagnosed until i was in my early twentys.My parents preferred to pretend i was just being a kid and ignored the signs.I need help and its hard to ask for it.I am on medication but it only works for short periods but it works better than all the others i have tried.I am afraid to see a psychologist even tho i have tried but it was a impossible task being poor i was shoveled around to people that didnt want to listen.

HI Exit -

I am sorry for all of your troubles. I have suffered nearly the same things with OCD, like

grab so many things put them back and grab one of a certain order.So if i touch three bottles i have to grab the fourth

and

have been doing things in numbers to avoid the outcomes and when i challenge the thought i end up being punished

And I have thought certain things (like predictions) and some have come true. But then I was ALWAYS thinking like this, so some of them were bound to come true.

I burned a lot of my life (time) away because of the massive complex rituals I used to do, like, I used to live 5 minutes from work (driving), but sometimes it took me hours to get home because of the rituals I had to do.

I am glad medication works (sometimes). I am sorry its hard to find the proper therapist. But don't stop trying. And, as you know, look for ones that specialize in anxiety disorders, especially OCD.

Otter.

Its funny you mentioned the driving thing.I remember i had a issue where i had to turn around 3 times and go into a specific gas station 4 times so once on my way and had to go back three times to make it 4 and what freaked me out when i got close to my destination there was a accident and i avoided it.I was like WHOA did my ocd save me?Right now im going through severe paranoia i have been having nightmares and everywhere i go i feel like i am being followed.I think people are out to get me and are trying to kill me.Today at the super market some guy over dosed in the bathroom and they had these bagel sandwiched wrapped in tin foil under a heat lamp and one looked like it had a tiny hole in the wrapper and i wouldnt buy it because in my head i feared that someone punctured the sandwich with the syringe he had to infect me.I had to grab a different sandwich in a certain order to feel safe.I have even returned groceries or left them at registers due to the look of the person touching my things or because i felt that they were contaminated.