Do I sound like I'm suffering from HOCD?

Okay, I'm a transgender woman and I'm going to be starting hormones soon and some other transgender women who have started hormones have reported that there sexual orientation has "changed".

Now, I don't want to be a lesbian. Is this HOCD because I don't want to be a lesbian? Also, I know this might sound stupid to some people but, a woman named Gigi Gorgeous (the famous youtuber) started hormones at the same age as me and she came out as a lesbian and she is a transgender woman too and when I found this out I thought "what if I'm like her". Does this sound like HOCD?

I mean, I don't want to be a lesbian. I know probably no one "wants" to be a lesbian but, yeah. I've been having this for a while now but it's on and off. It goes away for a month or so then it comes back.

This scares me because when I was little I used to "flirt" with women and because when I was a man, I used to get teased for being gay, I can't remember if I did this in an attempt to put people off the fact that I was gay. It scares me that maybe I've repressed my attraction to women and that I am a lesbian, but I don't want to be. I want to carry on being a heterosexual woman with no doubt about her sexuality.

When I go through these HOCD stages I don't find many men attractive and this gets me thinking "oh no, I am a lesbian because why don't I find this guy attractive when I did before".

Does this sound like HOCD?

Yep, you seem like you're struggling with HOCD to me. I'm a girl who struggles with HOCD as well and the same Gigi Gorgeous video scared me.... and I'm a cisgender female. I thought what if even though I've liked boys all my life, I realize later that I'm gay like Gigi?! So I'm having similar thoughts to you. Honestly OCD will never be satisfied. You'll probably read this post I'm writing and feel a little better or relieved because I'm feeling the same way as you. But that relief is only temporary because your OCD will bring in a million more reasons why you could be gay. It happens every time. This isn't because you are gay, but because of your OCD. In every straight persons life, they probably have experiences that they could use as "evidence" to say they are gay. Everyone lives such a complex life and no one is going to have a clean cut record of no gay thoughts, experiences, etc. A lot of straight people get occasional gay thoughts or have had gay experiences in their lives. Does this make them gay??? Nope. Your sexuality is separate from your thoughts/actions. It's what you WANT to do, and what you PREFER. That's why it's called your sexual preference! But trust me, I know with the feelings of OCD you still will think you may be gay but trust me. You have OCD. If you're obsessing and feeling miserable and having anxiety over the thought of being gay, you have OCD. The best way to get better is to seek treatment and therapy. There are therapist who specialize in OCD and know exactly what to do to help you get through this. I go to an OCD specialist and she really helps me. I know you can get through this! I'm really hoping for the best for you, we can do this!