HELP ME PLS

Hi everyone I'm a 17 year old male who has never question sexuality orientation before. I was in bed one night and got a weird feeling in my stomach and this is when my intrusive thoughts triggered. I know it's nit possible but I genuinely thought I was turning gay overnight and this made me extremely desitressed. I had a similar issue when I was 11 but simply talking to my mum seized the rotten feeling I had. I have had a girl friend for the past year and a half and I love her with all my heart. The relationship is sexual and I have on,y had sexual contact with females. Even prior when my ex broke up with me I was distraught because I really liked her. Sorry for Tmi but I've alaways mastubated fo straight porn or solo woman etc and it's a,ways worked. Suddenly after this spike I questioned everything and curiosity turned me to gay porn. I watched it a few times and even tried to masturbate over it but although I had a random uncomfortable tingling sensation I could never get erect as it didn't feel like me and was generally uncomfortable. I a,ways have an urge now to watch it and straight porn then measure any growth. Luckily I have only been fully erect to straight and only a minute growth to gay which is reassuring but that didn't make me feel content or make the feelings go away. I constantly receive intrusive thoughts which just aren't me, I could accept me being gay and move on but it doesn't feel right for me and definitely isn't me. The oroblem I have is that I don't find gay sex repulsive as such because if 2 people love eachother then they should be able to connect sexually and emotionally which I believe is fair. I constantly,y have to look at pictures of hot guys and repeatedly check for arousel even though nothing happens. It's scary because everyone can obviously identify a good looking member of the same sex but now I think about it too much an over analyse if saying to myself 'why do I find him so attractive' even though I actually don't. This just isn't me and it's very distressing. I previously suffered from bad OCD as a child but it was more with neatness and keeping everything in a certain position , way and order. I know I love My gf but now I just feel like I'm not attracted to anything at the minute, I think my anxiety has got so bad. I have recently had an operation too but this occurred before it. I'm losing hope and just want to return to the normal boy I was. My brain is simply controlling everything I do. My family and friends are accepting so the social issue isn't a worry, it's just not me. I don't knkw what to do and am becoming depressed. I am meeting with a councillor next week which is good. I have only fantasies and had crushes on girls and never even payed any attention to boys. I feel my mind is playing tricks on me. Why do I feel compelled to watch something gay and measure myself then compare? It's am awful habit and I need to somehow break it. I know my girlfriend is the one for me and everything I've felt with her is real. I'm just scared to be honest nd not sure what to do, she is very supportive but I don't want to hurt anyone. If you've go at this far I can only thank you so much for reading this and I honestly appreciate this so much. Any feedback is helpful. I'm also now constantly questioning whether or not I even suffer from HOCD.

Hi Andrew, I had been exactly where you are now almost 2 decades ago, except I am a female wondering if I was a lesbian while I was in a very loving deep relationship with my boyfriend at the time (this boyfriend later became my husband although I am now married to a different guy). So I could totally relate to what you are going thru, and yes, you do have OCD. I wish when I was going thru what you're going thru now someone had told me I had OCD so I would seek treatment much sooner rather than later. Please go see a psychiatrist - you may need to be on medication and it will help reduce these obsessive thoughts, I promise.

Btw, sexuality was only one of my many obsessions over the decades, but when I was on 100mg of Zoloft I was fine, thank God. Recently I had a relapse because I self medicate and lowered my dosage, don't ever do that. So please go see a doc asap. Share with him all these thoughts. Please do not be embarrassed or ashamed or scared. You can and will get better with medication and therapy.

Yeah, I'm Bi and it was something that was always a little different about me, so....

I don't believe in people just up and turning gay, or realising they're gay, without having known they weren't straight before hand. People come in here and constantly fear they've been in denial, forgetting that denial is just that- denial- not cluelessness. *I* always knew I was different.... even when I was in denial....

And I've read about some sex research that leads one to believe, by no later than 15 (possibly earlier, but that was the youngest study subjects- the researcher in question believed that it is from birth but lacked hard data from males younger than 15 y/o to substantiate that claim) a male is pretty much wired to what he is and he isn't going to change. I know I was set the way I am at least by 13 if not earlier.

You just have to go by how you were before the anxiety, and from a quick look at your post, it looks as if you're straight. But if you start checking and thinking and thinking again, you'll lose yourself in your anxiety, mijo.

Thanks to both of you for relying to me. This means so so much to me and has helped me a lot. The feelings have sort of died down but are still looming in my head here and there. Visiting a councilor tomorrow but without your replies I wouldn't of had the confidence to do so.