New obsession religious ocd? Or am I in denial?

Actually I cant get a referral to anyone that could possibly help. I live in south america more specifically in Colombia. OCD is not very well known here so that is pretty much out of the question. I look down deep inside myself and I know I don't want this but I can't shake the obsession no matter how hard I try. It is not causing as much anxiety as earlier this week, so I think that maybe signs of me accepting being this crap. Also I feel emotionless sort of a weird not me feeling. So I also attribute that to me actually "wanting" this. When in reality I know I don't. Don't know if this is OCD anymore. am I just accepting this crap o what?