Back Again. HOCD

Alright so ive been off the forums for quite some time, probably about two weeks, which is a record since this phase of OCD came about. However the passed few days have been absurdly hard. I feel completely disconnected from my girlfriend. I feel like ill never feel good again. I basically feel gay. When this all started it was always a "what if" type deal. thats not the case these passed few days. its more of a "i am" but i just cant accept it.

Ive felt tortured by my thoughts so much recently. My girlfriend started going to school again which made things really hard for our relationship because were both busy with school a lot more often. It seems like we've stopped connecting and this is absoulutley fueling how i feel. I feel like its happening because biologically i could never be happy with a girl, even though i have been in the past. I hate that feeling/ thought. I stopped testing for arousal for a while but now i just cant help myself. I mentally test myself and see what happens "down there" all the time. Doesnt matter if im driving, in class, in bed, or doing intimate things with my girlfriend. Its driving me crazy. Throughout this whole ordeal i dont think ive gotten a single erection from anything gay, but i still cant shake the thought. My mind tells me the reason me and my girlfriend are struggling right now and feel distant is because im gay. I feel like it wont go away till i accept it. i have felt so close to beating this obsession in the past but its never happened, which further reinforces that this isnt OCD but instead is the real deal. I dont know what to make of anything. I haven't been feeling aroused by my girlfriend the passed few days which kills me inside.

I'm at the point where i feel like its gay of me to hit my friends up to see if they wanna hang out. This never happened to me before. I feel like making any new friends who are guys in my new classes this semester makes me gay. To make things worse i feel anxious around them which makes me think im actually attracted to them. Im at a loss. I dont know what i am right now.

I used to always come here asking everyone what they thought of my situation, if this was an obsession or not, or what i should do. The response has always been that i have OCD and this is just another obsession( i actually have it, confirmed by a therapist). But here i am once again. Please, is this still OCD or should i just give up trying to fight. Please no less than 100% honesty i feel as though i need some fresh perspectives.

HOCD-scared1996 wrote:Alright so ive been off the forums for quite some time, probably about two weeks, which is a record since this phase of OCD came about. However the passed few days have been absurdly hard. I feel completely disconnected from my girlfriend. I feel like ill never feel good again. I basically feel gay. When this all started it was always a "what if" type deal. thats not the case these passed few days. its more of a "i am" but i just cant accept it.

Ive felt tortured by my thoughts so much recently. My girlfriend started going to school again which made things really hard for our relationship because were both busy with school a lot more often. It seems like we've stopped connecting and this is absoulutley fueling how i feel. I feel like its happening because biologically i could never be happy with a girl, even though i have been in the past. I hate that feeling/ thought. I stopped testing for arousal for a while but now i just cant help myself. I mentally test myself and see what happens "down there" all the time. Doesnt matter if im driving, in class, in bed, or doing intimate things with my girlfriend. Its driving me crazy. Throughout this whole ordeal i dont think ive gotten a single erection from anything gay, but i still cant shake the thought. My mind tells me the reason me and my girlfriend are struggling right now and feel distant is because im gay. I feel like it wont go away till i accept it. i have felt so close to beating this obsession in the past but its never happened, which further reinforces that this isnt OCD but instead is the real deal. I dont know what to make of anything. I haven't been feeling aroused by my girlfriend the passed few days which kills me inside.

I'm at the point where i feel like its gay of me to hit my friends up to see if they wanna hang out. This never happened to me before. I feel like making any new friends who are guys in my new classes this semester makes me gay. To make things worse i feel anxious around them which makes me think im actually attracted to them. Im at a loss. I dont know what i am right now.

I used to always come here asking everyone what they thought of my situation, if this was an obsession or not, or what i should do. The response has always been that i have OCD and this is just another obsession( i actually have it, confirmed by a therapist). But here i am once again. Please, is this still OCD or should i just give up trying to fight. Please no less than 100% honesty i feel as though i need some fresh perspectives.

well

do you feel like anything when near around guys ?
intrusive thoughts ? attractions ?

I do lots of checking for arousal and attraction. Intrusive thoughts arent as strong as they were when this started in November. Lets say think something about a guy to test myself, i feel really weird, my stomach drops, and i dont get hard. But when i think about a girl i feel fine, none of that stomach dropping, but i dont always get hard either. Which worries me.