Sick of HOCD

I'm sick of this. Probably just not HOCD anymore, probably never was.

jdd wrote:I'm sick of this. Probably just not HOCD anymore, probably never was.

Why? Give us more details. I'm questioning mine too.

I don't know if this helps you, but my mind is telling me that I wan't to watch gay porn. I don't know if it's HOCD or really what I want, since I don't get disgusted anymore. It really looks like I wan't to watch and HOCD has nothing to do with it.
I wan't to get my attraction to girls back and wipe all that gay $#%^ of my head, but this is looking more and more like a far, impossible dream now.

Dear qazwsxedc:

The sentence "What you resist, persists" comes to mind, my mind right now. The more you resist gay thoughts, the more they persist. Could it be, that if you stop resisting the thoughts, they will stop come knocking on the door, so to speak... I wonder.

atina

Well because I don't know if I'm experiencing attraction or anxiety still.

jdd wrote:Well because I don't know if I'm experiencing attraction or anxiety still.

Just what I'm feeling. I don't know how much time you've been into this, but if you think you can't get out or if you think you hit a wall maybe you should seek some help.

Working on that. But I'm not making progress yet.

I don't know what happened to this chat, but okay.
i just had a very odd moment. Basically I did something I shouldn't have ttoday- I masturbated. Thinkinh about both girls and guys and for a moment, when I kept getting turned on to women, hating the thought but kept going because it felt nice - something I mentioned in my previous posts, how I could get off to women but the orgasm wasn't that great - I had all these images flooidng my head of being a lesbian and being okay with it - like I just discovered I was gay - and I started to shake and cry and I feel SO nauseous right now because LITERALLY YESTERDAY I felt straight and knew I was straight and attracted to boys, even hours ago I knew I wasn't gay. But I think it might've been the masturbation but I feel so confused and so sick right now. I just tested myself (BAD I KNOW DON'T KILL ME) and I still don't like the fact of making out with girls, or holding them or doing sexual things. I think I had something like this happen in the past but never this strong. Was I figuring out my bisexuality? I can't get the image of marrying a woman out of my head, and in those five minutes I felt as if I had lost a part of myself that I knew. I feel so sick and numb. i want this to stop, I'm so afraid and I just don't know how HOCD even came about, it just happened on day two & and a half years ago and I was so sure I was straight, I was doing so well.

kk167 wrote:I don't know what happened to this chat, but okay.
i just had a very odd moment. Basically I did something I shouldn't have ttoday- I masturbated. Thinkinh about both girls and guys and for a moment, when I kept getting turned on to women, hating the thought but kept going because it felt nice - something I mentioned in my previous posts, how I could get off to women but the orgasm wasn't that great - I had all these images flooidng my head of being a lesbian and being okay with it - like I just discovered I was gay - and I started to shake and cry and I feel SO nauseous right now because LITERALLY YESTERDAY I felt straight and knew I was straight and attracted to boys, even hours ago I knew I wasn't gay. But I think it might've been the masturbation but I feel so confused and so sick right now. I just tested myself (BAD I KNOW DON'T KILL ME) and I still don't like the fact of making out with girls, or holding them or doing sexual things. I think I had something like this happen in the past but never this strong. Was I figuring out my bisexuality? I can't get the image of marrying a woman out of my head, and in those five minutes I felt as if I had lost a part of myself that I knew. I feel so sick and numb. i want this to stop, I'm so afraid and I just don't know how HOCD even came about, it just happened on day two & and a half years ago and I was so sure I was straight, I was doing so well.

This is what's happening to me. You're not alone, don't worry. I just want to stop being turned on by guys... Is it too much ask to be straight?

Hey, everybody. I would like to help you, because I was at The EXACT same situation as everyone of you (Im a male), and then, i started my own therapy a week ago or so and im actually improving... Feeling like HOCD is reversing and feeling more and more The way I always used to feel and used to be... I am having HOCD for almost two months now, and I am actually feeling like The way I used to feel a motnh ago (Thas why I said Im thinking that HOCD is reversing). I started my own therapy and am seeing a psychiatrist this or next week (which I know can Aldo help).