Wondering why I even started obsessing about it

Hello,

I don't understand why I even started obsessing about it in the first place. When POCD was started by a non-sexual groinal response I thought that it was ridiculous that I was even thinking about being a pedophile. It made no sense as I've never been attracted to children but always to males my age. But it was somehow automatic, I started checking automatically for attraction and arousal, often felt anxious when seeing children etc. and I don't know how that happened because I saw my fear as irrational and stupid. I think if I just thought that it was stupid and didn't give it any attention I wouldn't be where I am right now.

Can anyone relate?

Mine started off randomly when I read an article about something to do with why people might become transgender and it mentioned sexual abuse could be one of the causes. This really upset me as a family member had just come out as being trans. That's when this all began and it's got worse and worse over time. However, now I'm doing therapy and it's starting to get better.

Your OCD could pick on anything and the obsessions change over time. However, I would take any other theme rather than POCD.

It can really be triggered by anything. As I said before I think the whole disorder is related to those tangential thoughts. To be more precise, I think it's more that the "dials" of the thoughts have been turned up and the thoughts are "louder" than in normal people. Furthermore, trying to avoid a random thought consciously is impossible, because thinking of avoiding a random thought that spikes you will cause you to think the thought.

Mine tend to be ruminations rather than anxieties but they, too, refuse to stop spinning in my head.I'm actually contemplating going back on meds because I'm just not capable of getting work done in this state of mind.

Thank you very much for your replies!

Yes, OCD can take any topic but I'm worried because I didn't have many and POCD is the first one that effected me that much.

I'm sorry you're in such a bad place right now, gomek. I hope you'll get better soon. I think meds can be really helpful.