Think I might have OCD / POCD or am I a pedophila

wel I never really knew about OCD I always just thought it meant you were scared to get dirty or you had to keep everything very clean. But I worry a lot and when a thought gets into my mind it becomes all I can think about well about 2 weeks ago my daughter (2years old) was wearing a pair of shorts then a thought just randomly came in mind my something about child molesters can't really remember what like I guess it made me think I was sexually attracted to my daughter and children well this really scared me ALOT then as I was getting ready for bed she sleeps with my husband and I the thought came into my mind out of nowwhere it said " touch her vaginia , this made me really nervous like a tingly feeling in my vaginia I'm scared it aroused me so I tried to think about doing it and I'm scared it aroused me like everytime I'd think about I'm scared it would ... Well I felt like I needed to tell that I was having these thought because I was scared what if I'm a pedophile what if I hurt her? So I told my mom , dad , sister & husband they thought I was crazy but the thought were just awful like tried to tell me to touch her while she was asleep had me convinced that I woutf enjoy something like that me knowing I would never , it also made me think when I would wipe her while changing her diaper I was doing something wrong or if I tickled her playing with her that I touched her boobs inappropriately and I felt guilt. I felt as if I was going insane these thoughts came from nowhere I have never been nervous around her by myself but I am now these thoughts terrify me like I can't look at her like I did like I'm scared I'll hurt her or I also when I would hold her be scared that my hand is too close to her vaginia or boobs well I finally found something on the OCD website about intrusive thought and I thoughts that's what I may have been Having well that made them go away for a awhile but there back again not like they were but they still little thoughts like if she's asleep or something to touch her and it terrifies me to my core and I can try to tell my self it might be OCD but then thought are like no it's not your a child molester your would enjoy doing those things , etc or other people's OCD have never had thoughts like that I just wanna be able to be around my daughter without being scared or nervous I'm a pedophila do I need locked up please help?????

You're not a pedophile and you're not a child molestor. Everything you wrote is similar to what other people with POCD experience. I can see that is very distressing to you, especially because you have a daughter. Please remember not everything you feel in your groin is sexual, you can feel anything in your groin, love, happiness, and of course anxiety.

Please don't beat yourself up over this!

Yes, this definitely sounds like POCD!

I hear childbirth can be a huge trigger for people who are already prone to OCD. It's fear and it attaches itself to what we value most.

You don't want to avoid her though. The best thing for you to do is be around her and try not to force yourself to see if you like it. Just let it be or agree with it even though it's not true. Easier said than done usually and it takes time but it can help you by not ignoring.

So sorry to hear you're going through this Worriedmommy14. It's more common than you'd think. I saw my care coordinator today and he said he's had the exact same conversation with other people who have abhorrent sexual and violent themes including POCD.

So, there are people you can talk to and who will understand. OCD isn't exactly the way the media portrays it. However, I think mental health professionals come across POCD pretty often. I'm in the UK and we don't even get to choose who we see, but nobody has called the police on me and besides, I know I'm not a pedophile and I can't become one from ruminating on it.

If you're somewhere like the States or Canada, can you get to see a professional who specialises in OCD? You certainly wouldn't be the first person they've met with this exact same issue.

Thank you all ! It's just really scares me a lot I have 3 kids two boys and one girl and it doesn't bother me about he boys just the girls I cannot understand why ? I mean I can convince myself that I would never do anything like this for a short period then the thoughts come in are you sure , you know you would like it , and it just gives me this weird feeling in my chest I cannot explain it ? And I keep thinking back when I was around little girls to see if I looked at them like a pedophila like was I looking at them sexually targeting them ? And in my mind it's making me feel like I did like I've always been uncomfortable around them which is not true! And I also think if was a pedophila it would have started long before now I'm 19 happily married and these thoughts have never occurred any other time in my life but I did do something when I was about 10 with two girls younger than me I think they were 6 or 7 I cannot remember what but j think it was sexual and I'm scared this makes me a child molester I think it only happened a couple times but then it stopped I realized it was wrong probably but does that make me one ? That's what my mind is trying to convince me of & I have never been this scared of a thought in my life I'm scared cause it's like I get urges or something that make me think I wanna do it but I know I don't I know I sound crazy I think I'm just a pedophila but I don't think pedophila just start.my dad tell it would've started when she was born not now is this true and I'm scared now I look at children sexually like I, supposed to look at men and I'm one of those pedophilas that like men and kids I looked up stuff awhile back when the thoughts started about child molester that they can be " normal people " that some people don't fit the typical descriptions of a molester and that mothers appear as loving mothers. And this scares me a lot please just tell me this OCD and I'm not a pedophila bc I sure feel like one