Obsession with possibly being Transgender ruining my life

I'm a 21 year old male who never has thought about being trans, or having doubts about my gender identity (other than supporting their rights to live in dignity) prior to about a month ago. FOr the past few weeks my first thought when i wake up to the last thing I think about at night is worrying over whether I'm really a girl trapped in a boy's body and have been in a state of deep denial my whole life. I have spent hours taking quizzes, reading articles about what dysphoria is etc, looking over past memories wondering if deep down i wanted to be female. Every time I see a girl on tv or an article of women's clothing or girl's shoes I 'check' if I want to be wearing them or look like them. I constantly force myself to imagine myself with breasts and a vagina and in girl's clothes and when the thoughts make me uncomfortable and nauseous I think that I'm just scared of facing my true nature. I worry that if I'm transgender I will never be happy if I don't transition, and that if I do I will lose all my friends and family so either way I'm doomed. I never had body issues in puberty or wanted to try on girl's clothes but I constantly doubt myself and think back to times where I would play dress-up or something as a 4-year-old and think that it was some sign I repressed that I am really a woman. This is ruining my life, I've already dropped out of school, I want to die just for this $#%^ to end

Hi N-

We can't diagnose here, but there are classic obsessive/compulsive symptoms going on in your behavior.

You are about at that age where various factors came come together and am anxious disposition can manifest.

Anyway, you are doing a LOT of checking. I think you need to put that to rest, because as far as I can see it isn't doing you any good - and you seem to be going in circles.

Have you thought about seeing someone?

Otter.

Hi Niedermen,

You might think you are a freak right now, but I'm suffering the exact same thing as you. At least you're not alone I can't tell you how to deal with it cause I don't have a solution either, but you can discuss with me about your problems and rationalize our thoughts. I'm sorry that you've dropped out of the school, but don't lose hope. Life can be so much better if we can come over this fear.

Hope you have a good time.

You're not transgender, it's just your mind playing tricks on you.

Keep in mind that most men will have repressed "feminine" traits. You're feeding this problem by thinking about it. Explore who you are, but don't think that your whole identity has been a lie or something all these years and you're only now finding out the truth. Like I said, mind. playing tricks.

You're not alone man!! it's practically on my mind 24/7 for the past 9 months or so. That's also my biggest fear about it, is that what if ill never be happy unless i transition, but then that doesn't offer any comfort either, because i just want to stay me and be the man i was before all this.

I agree with Scattered Ashes. The problem is likely your OCD rather than self-repressed transgenderism. Because you're unlikely trans but still experience feminine traits (like most guys, though most will do their best to repress anything un-macho manly), you'll keep looking for ways that you've been wrong all your life with just minor evidence, which will feed your worry-fire. Your mind is worried that if you are trans then you'll have a whole lot of obstacles ahead of you, and the bits of femininity you possess will fuel that worry because you're not 100% masculine, so you'll never be certain one way or the other. If you were truly trans I think you would have known for a while now, and you wouldn't have just little bits of evidence here and there but you would have felt strongly from a young age that something isn't right and that you're actually a girl.