False memories seeming so real. Anybody who can relate?

Hi everybody.

Thank you for taking your time to read this post, I'm really appreciating!

I would like to hear if anybody can relate to false memories of drunk nights. And if anybody have had similar stories, and how I should deal with them?

I have this big fear, that I've cheated on my boyfriend everytime I've been drunk. Last friday I went out partying. I got very drunk, and when I do I become very very outgoing and spontanious. I went to a club with some people I knew, and we got hammered, and I don't remember anything from when we entered only small glimpses. I know that I was dancing a lot and very close with some guys, and since I usually deal with a lot of POCD I remember thinking "I'm feeling so good, I'm not a pedophile, cause I enjoy this fun with guys a lot". The time passed, and when the club closed, I left with some people to look for food and after went home. I remember not feeling so good when I got home - as if I did something wrong, but that's very typical for me when I start to get sober. I went to bed, and the next day I woke up and felt extremely anxious, because I didn't remember anything. Some of my friends told me I was very drunk, and I asked a few if they saw me doing anything with some guys. They said no. I know for a fact, that you should NOT go into ruminating over this, because the more you do, the more real it becomes. First day I had this feeling of guilt (maybe because of the very close and sexual dancing), and as time passed I started to think that I must've kissed someone. I also looked everywhere on my body to see if I had any marks or bruises, as well I looked in my pants and underwear to see if there was semen or other signs on cheating. I tried to say to myself, that I should not go into trying to recall me having sex with someone, because my mind in the future have made up false memories. In the end I couldn't resist, and I started to think about "Do I remember myself in the bathroom?" - I didn't but I still thought that I kinda remembered something about what the bathroom looked like. I then tried to imagining myself in there and pictures of me sitting on top of a guy came to my mind again with the thoughts "I'm enjoying this so I'm not a pedophile". Later another "memory" of myself standing with my back to the guy so he could see my ass is appearing and thoughts telling me that I wanted him a lot to see my ass, so he could compliment it. In the beginning these memories were not strong, but now they feel very very real. It's like I'm recognizing the feeling I had at the moment when it happened, which seems like a real memory. I don't have any face on the guy, I don't know who it should be, I only "remember" me sitting there. In the beginning I felt that I forced this "memory" to appear, and if I have to think about it I'm forcing it again, as if there is a certain order I should think it. I don't know if it makes sense. Now I'm FREAKING OUT... Yesterday I had to leave work, because I got an anxiety attack, and went home. My boyfriend is very amazing, and says that no matter what happened nothing will change, and he knows that if I did it, it was not my concious self. He thinks it's OCD, but I feel these memories so real now, and I feel so guilty and out of control. To top it up, I felt extreme differences in my uterus and belly - and when I read about it, it sounds very much as pregnancy, and I'm now extremely scared that I got pregnant friday. Due to my POCD my boyfriend and I do not have so much sex at the moment, but we had a week before friday. I just don't understand why I'm only feeling this symptoms right after friday. The symptoms are not imagined... What do you think about all this, can you relate? I guess I just needed to free my mind. This is driving me crazy!

Only positive thing is, that while this is going on, I do almost not feel my POCD. Maybe it proves, that it in fact is OCD.

Hey I know how stressful these can be because I have had tons of them and they always feel 100% real. It's so odd! Hang in there and if you need anything pm me. Feel better