My complicated OCD Version. Please help.

I have some form of OCD, but I can't seem to pinpoint the specific one.

I'm a 28 years hispanic old male. I've been dealing with OCD since I was 14 years old.

This is my OCD version:

I have feelings that something or an individual will harm me.

I'm in France visiting with freinds. Today, we went with a couple of friends to an elegant restaurant and we had lunch. I had to use the restroom(I completely dread going to a public bathroom). I thought about holding it because of this fear, but I said to myself that i didn't know how much longer I could hold it. I was hoping one of my male freinds would go(that way I dont have to go by myself), but they didn't. I had to man up; therefore I went. The restroom was located in the floor below the first floor(I was already terriefied going there). I found the men's room (luckily no one was there) and I urinated. I didnn't wash my hands because I didnt want to touch the sink. Before I left, I checked and inspected(just by looking) the small restroom to make sure no one or something was there that could harm me. I did this a few times because I didn't want to be there longer. I finally re-assured myself and left.

A few minutes later after we left the restaurante, I keep playing this dreaded event in my mind in order to re-assure myself that nothing happen. I've been thinking about it and I tell my brain that no one was there and that nothing harm me. I also question myself(a lot) that I should have hold it until we got back to the hotel.

I know this is not normal thinking and behavior. I wish I was normal, but I struggle with events like these. I can't seem to go alone to places because I fear that someone will touch me or harm me.

Dear Tekking27:

You wrote that the thinking and behavior you described is not normal. As I read it, I thought: but the fear is normal. Fear is normal, the most normal, strong emotion in all of the animal kingdom.

Animals are clear about what they are afraid of. Real danger. Luckily they don't have words so to form all kinds of OCD scenarios. Lucky them...

The fear is what is underneath and before all these thoughts.

Calm yourself often instead of struggling with and judging the thoughts. Find a good way to soothe yourself when you are afraid.

atina