What Type of OCD Do You Have/My Issues

It is, I'm sure of that. I've read so many pages about OCD!

For example, people with HOCD avoid gay people because they worry in case they're gay.

I had to Google it and it does seem to be a compulsion. Funny, because I always think of compulsions as being hand washing etc.

Anything can be a compulsion if you feel like you HAVE to do it. For example, my thing with sex- the compulsion is to constantly check with my fiancée as to when we'll be having sex.

hmm... with the "best" salutation. Doesn't bother me and kind of like it I think BECAUSE a person I know who uses it regularly is someone I admire and respect much. So, perhaps you folks have the opposite and you relate it to someone you don't like?

For me, this would be my former boss with loads and loads on cliche's including his email signatures, which, if I'd ever see anyone use those, I'd be ticked!

I won't say **** wishes so how about good luck and thank you,

Stuck

Hello everyone, I have some news.

So the theme that I had in the past about STDs has basically completely dissipated, so that's an obvious plus.

However, as they go, more show up sometimes :/

My latest theme of obsession is really weird and irritating, and it requires some story telling to fully explain.

I'll say it first, and then explain.

My new fear is that I killed/contaminated an adult friend of mines back in an apartment complex I lived in years ago.

Now hear me out, this may seem like another typical improbable obsession, but I'd like some complete insight instead of the usual advice which I already know of.

So a while back, the exact time I can't remember, I lived in an apartment complex. I often went out to wander around during the evenings(Not night) after school to pla with some friends and whatnot, typical kid stuff in a way.

What wasn't so typical was that I managed to hang out with some older teens and adults as well. They seemed pretty interesting to me, and they kinda just talked to me about random junk because of random reasons.

No, none of them raped me or attacked me or any of that junk, since if they did I would've known for sure and so would my parents after a while, since I would be acting really weirdly and whatnot.

One of them was this grown woman who had a dog, and sometimes we'd go to the park or something to play with her dog or play tennis or something. Those are really the only memories I have clearly of her.

And of course, it's due to this inability to fully remember what happened that I assume I killed her or placed some kind of harm on her. I've realized that all of my past themes do in fact have concrete answers, and once I realized that it was a matter of getting myself to simply stop obsessing.

However, this? this doesn't have a set answer from the way I view it. It seems like I legit murdered someone on accident, if that's even a flipping possibility.

I was pretty young back then, much more so then I am now. So whatever I did back then, can I really be blamed for anything? even if truly bad? I was smart for whatever age I was, but that doesn't discredit the fact that I was still young, naive, and inexperienced with almost everything in life. Still am now, but obviously I've matured somewhat anyway.

In fact, it's got to the point where I've created a scheme to put my worries to rest:

I would either convince my mom to drive me back to that complex, let me scope out some of the apartments, go to the leasing office, and ask the front desk in the most non-psycho looking way possible to man who lived there in whatever years we have lived there.

OR

Use Google Maps to scope out the location, look at the apartments, and somehow email the front desk if possible about who lived there and so on.

It seems ridiculous, but it certainly feels like this is what I have to do to calm down. I simply want to know, it doesn't even matter to me if I killed someone. Not knowing what the H I did is more scary then full remembering a murder in my opinion.

It also doesn't help that all I remember about her was that she was female, had a dog, and was an adult. I can't remember her name, height, appearance, voice, and most importantly, her exact address.

And of course, that makes things more difficult. I haven't told my mom about any of my paranoia-fueled obsessions lately, since she has actual issues like employment to worry about and whatnot.

I even have a friend through Email that helps me through this stuff and me them, but they aren't online much due to the same reasons and whatnot. It's part of my reason for sticking to stay on here.

Anyway, what can I do now? I honestly don't care if I'm indulging in a compulsion to find out. It's not exactly a compulsion if it will end my worries altogether. it worked for the others, so it should for this as well.

Is there anything I could try online? Address searchers? archived phone books? anything?

And also, let's assume the worst and say that I did bite her or whatever, and she died. If they never found out I was responsible, would they still punish me if I came to confess to it now? If they did find out, what would they punish a child(Not even a teen, a child) with? What diseases could possibly spread through biting and so on? can they spread if you have been vaccinated and or never had any of them to begin with?

Yeah, loads of questions but it's all a part of my screwy process I guess.

It's kind of funny really, how I'm deluding myself into thinking that some above-average intelligent kid can outsmart a fracking trained criminal hunting organization. WITHOUT even actively being aware of or taking any steps to avoid discovery and capture.

And logically, if I can't remember anything, that means nothing happened right? because I remember loads of things before this, and they did leave some kind of impact on me. I remember legit nothing from this exact strain of memories, so does that imply that I'm home free?

I hope all of this wraps up to a permanent close at some point, and it should because in the end this is all just over-thinking certain thoughts and creating catastrophes from them.

And note that if I do manage to find her, I wouldn't bother with actually speaking to her. I just want to know where she is so I can fully relax and say I didn't murder her.

God I sound like a creep, but that's not exactly the first time I've been associated with the word.

There's more info, but this is the gist of it. If anyone needs anything else for me to say, tell.

I'll update this area regularly while I'm dealing with this, and we'll see how it goes.

Any advice peoples?

Thanks.

Also, I'd like to note that for the questions I asked, anyone with decent knowledge on how law and some diseases work is enough. I would look these up but like always the results are vague and I'm not exactly fond of piecing together pieces of vagueness when it comes to concrete things.

And as a final send-off, I feel much calmer knowing that there's at least two places I could go to, that being here and my friend online. This is a pretty solid forum, my only complaint is the lack of responses sometimes, but that's understandable since there's many reasons why that is.

Also, this would be considered past-oriented harm/contamination OCD right? theme-wise, how common are these? If anyone knows.

See you all later.