HOCD please anyone help me

Heyyy guys! Hope everything is going well. So I am really freaking out right now...My OCD is spiking badly right now. I am really out of solutions. My arms all have scars from picking at my skin non stop due to anxiety...I am completely relaxing... all of my compulsions are back, however, they don't reassure my as much as they used to. I feel like I am done with life. When I look in the mirror and my hair looks nice, I think whats the point if it looks nice if I'm bi/gay, or if someone complements me saying i am pretty, I could care less because nothing matters if I am bi/gay, everything I have worked for is worthless. I am doing badly in school. I just feel really bad in general. One of the things that has been bothering me and driving me crazy is that OCD has really been affecting my memory. I have looked this up and found out that false memories are really common in OCD people. I just wanted to ask if anyone can relate because I feel like my life has been a lie, and if so, how do you cope with it? I JUST WANT TO BE STRAIGHT IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? What have I done to deserve this...what has anyone done...this is the worst punishment ever.
Thanks so much...any help is much appreciated!

Everything you've said is something I've felt a ton. Particularly the "nothing matters to me if I'm not straight" thought. I find the times when I most try to just give in and "be gay", I start to get very moody and angry.

I'm sorry to hear you've been scratching up your arms. I definitely did that as well when I was really suffering. At times I felt so frustrated and angry at this body I was trapped in, that seemed determined to ruin my life. But really, your body is just trying to protect itself. OCD is just a brain's overreaction to a perceived danger. So try to find a different outlet if you can. Tearing up paper or punching a pillow. Something that still lets you get the frustrations and anxiety out, but doesn't hurt you.

Are you seeing a therapist at the moment?

Thanks for the help! Yeah I am seeing a therapist but he doesn't help a lot because he is an under grad and he doesn't specialize in OCD...he told me I should experiment and question my orientation. I flipped completely. He isn't too great...

Oh my gosh that would set me off so badly! I've been through 3 different therapists since this last 2-year long HOCD bought, and the first one was just awful. I remember I told her I was afraid I was secretly a lesbian, and she told me that I'd just have to come to terms with that. Needless to say I was in tears after that.

Find a therapist who specializes in OCD. I cannot stress that enough. It is the most important part of recovery. Any other therapist will just make things worse or at best remain the same. If you're not sure if you really have OCD, and you're thinking that you might just be gay and in denial...just take the risk of getting treated for OCD anyway. I assure you it's a risk worth taking.

If you need help looking for a therapist, PM me and we can work together on it!

I'm pretty sure I have OCD because i was diagnosed by several doctors (this included ROCD, some POCD, fear of incest, always feeling guilty of sexual things I have done and having to confess to my parents, scared of bestiality, and now HOCD)...but I always second guess it...like whether i have it or not.

Alright, even so, find an OCD therapist. Don't waste any more time with your current therapist if you can help it.

sophisma7 wrote:I remember I told her I was afraid I was secretly a lesbian, and she told me that I'd just have to come to terms with that. Needless to say I was in tears after that.

This is because society as a whole has become to entrenched in making everything normal and so everyone needs to accept who they are. And common therapists will follow the sheep when it comes to this type of issues. And because OCD around such topics is still is not very well educated in the public or in non-OCD specialists they will assume that is the case. Hell, mine said my checking behavior meant maybe I was curious... and set me off. But she still wants me to go deal with OCD and meds and hopefully there won't be enough of an issue later on the problem is finding availability and such.