POCD or something worse

Hi first let me start by saying I'm new to the forums I am a 22 year old male,and have been dealing with OCD for about 6months now. It started of with the fear that I might be gay. But now it has moved to the fear of becoming a pedofile. I think about this everyday and am scared because I don't want to be a pedofile and I have always loved kids and wanted to my own one day. These thoughts have never crossed my mind before until I went to the psychiatrist how I was seeing because i had been diagnosed with depression about being gay. He asked me three questions about pornography, "have you watched regular porn, gay porn, or CP". I have never accessed CP in my life and I never want to. But it got me thinking could I be a pedo. I haven't been able to shake it ever since. So I went back and told him about the new obsession and he diagnosed me with OCD. I still can't seem to shake this constant fear of that I will become a pedo. I have never thought of children in that way before and it is scaring me. I just want my normal attraction back.

I have contemplated suicided because I would rather be dead then pedo. Also I was involved in sexual experimentation when I was younger with cousins and friends. It has never bothered me before until now because we were kids and we had no idea, but I just can't seem to shake the idea of pedophila and it is really bothering me. I have been given pristiq by my psychiatrist.

Do you think this is POCD or something worse?

cm219 wrote:. Also I was involved in sexual experimentation when I was younger with cousins and friends.

^ Normal. Happens to most people.

Do you have any thoughts or desires to become sexual with someone under the age of 11? If you answered no, you are not a pedophile.

Otter.

No I haven't otter but I feel uncomfortable around kids now like I'm always checking. I also tend to google a lot for other people with the same problem. Is that just the OCD?

Yes it is. My OCD took this theme since I turned 21. I don't know what it is like for you but for me I feel like it really holds me back, makes me ashamed, makes me shy, makes me question who I even am sometimes. Regarding my last statement, you really must make sure that you keep OCD small, i.e. keep doing your hobbies, the things that make you yourself. don't let it put you off living your life because the only alternative is being a gibbering wreck curled up in the corner of a room being tormented by intrusive thoughts and rumination.

It really is a hard thing, I just had an intrusive thought incident two days ago after being clear for a month and a half, suddenly I had an intrusive thought in the right situation to make me feel really bad and I am only just recovering from it. But you must recover and continue, pickup where you left off before you had the thought. Don't let the OCD stop you from being yourself.

Read my reply to paranoidman's post obsessive-compulsive/topic172831.html

PM me for any questions.