Open Question: HOCD, POCD, TOCD - demographics

I never escalated into gay porn. I could never get hard to it. I needed to see a female body. But what did happen was I started getting gay THOUGHTS. They just pop into my head randomly and I can't control them. They are intrusive

Yeah that makes it difficult I imagine. Feels like denial sometimes doesn't it?

Does anyone know what happened with HopeLite's HOCD story? They just seemed to vanish early this year it seems.

Jqm1445 wrote:I never escalated into gay porn. I could never get hard to it. I needed to see a female body. But what did happen was I started getting gay THOUGHTS. They just pop into my head randomly and I can't control them. They are intrusive

Thoughts that you are gay, or that you want to do something to someone at hand? I often get this irrational urge to kiss a guy. Which has nothing to do with my bisexuality, I'm not really into clothed guys or faces (much but there are always exceptions) and I put such impulses down not to a sexual obsession, but rather the general OCD intrusive thoughts of socially inappropriate behaviour. Such as shouting an obscenity in church (had it), grabbing a woman's breast (yup), pulling the fire alarm (that one, too), etc etc.

I don't know anymore still.

Thoughts that I am gay. That my face "looks" gay because people have called me a pretty boy. Thoughts that I act gay, talk gay, that people look at me in the streets and think that kids deffienently gay. Yet I know for a fact I am actually very normal for a man, I have a deep voice, I talk and walk like a man, etc. I don't know why but my brain tries to tell me I am gay. I will have unwanted intrusive thoughts about penis or about being penetrated. If I start to fantasize about a woman, it's always another guy penetrating her or sucking his dick and then my brain tells me YOU WANT TO BE THE GIRL, when the whole point of the start of the fantasy was a particular girl I'd want to bang. It's also weird that it's always this bald dude I see in porn that bangs a lot of chicks. I'll get images of him and his penis flashing in my head. I don't know whether I'm attracted to him or not, it just feels so gross and anxiety filling for ne. I can't tell the difference between arousal and attraction. Life just sucks right now. Then again I have so many bad days yet so many good days in between. Like 3 days ago I had sex with a girl and absolutely loved it. Did three different positions, busted inside her and it felt ###$ amazing. Yet I still have this ###$ bald guy from porn pop into my fantasies just when I think everything is OK and then the whole process of doubting my sexuality starts again.

I wonder if I should abstain from all sexual stimulation for a period of 3-6 months. I believe that maybe I have used sex or watching porn as a compulsion to prove my sexuality. I wonder if I stop all stimulation for an extended period of time the obsession will die because I am not giving it what it wants which is reassurance via having sex or peeking at porn. Any thoughts?

Staying away from the porn is never a bad idea!

I think that would be a good start.

Does it do anything though if one has not escalated to the extremes?

I think it's just the fact that I shouldn't be watching two other people have sex in the first place. I mean look at it from a normal logical point of view and not what society says, isn't it weird that we sit and watch other people have sex on a screen?

Jqm1445 wrote:I think it's just the fact that I shouldn't be watching two other people have sex in the first place. I mean look at it from a normal logical point of view and not what society says, isn't it weird that we sit and watch other people have sex on a screen?

LOL Oh YES it is....


There is a passage in CS Lewis' Mere Christianity, about sexual instinct having gone wrong in Humanity (because of our sin nature, ofc, since this is a Christian text) and he uses as an illustration the idea of having a covered plate of food on a stage doing a 'strip tease', would we not find that extremely odd? And sex is no exception.

Or take it another way. You can get a large audience together for a strip-tease act-that is, to watch a girl undress on the stage. Now suppose you came to a country where you could fill a theatre by simply bringing a covered plate on to the stage and then slowly lifting the cover so as to let every one see, just before the lights went out, that it contained a mutton chop or a bit of bacon, would you not think that in that country something had gone wrong with the appetite for food? And would not anyone who had grown up in a different world think there was something equally queer about the state of the sex instinct among us?