That was this morning, but all day I've just been having Obsessive thoughts. I also go on to act out compulsive actions, nothing too sevre... but just small things like I keep bringing up the homepage of multiple forums without any intention of reading or posting anything. Its not sevre, but happens enough times that Im not getting as much work done as I need to be.
I was almost okay, i started tidying up my office (very messy atm) and i felt that it was going well, i was calm and was concentrating on what I was doing. But literally after a few minutes, My thoughts started racing again and i just feel too overwhelemd. I feel like I want to run out of the building and just keep running. run, RUN !!!!!!
My thoughts are about a "discussion" between me and my brother last night. Long story short, we got into a small argument over what a "straw man fallacy" is. He was being arrogant and made it clear that he thinks im totally wrong and hes COMPLETELY right. He did not explain what it is, he gave a shakey example. I pointed out that an example is different to an explanation and he said no its essentially the same thing.
He doesn't appear to be interested in debating at all, he is an internet troll who thinks an internet "debate" is of the same calibre as a university. Which he actually said. He just thinks univsersities use posh and "nicer" sounding words. He isn't interested in debating ideas, he is interested in attacking people themselves, not their words.
One thing he kept mentioning was that the point of a debate is to make the other person look stupid. He says that if the other person looks stupid than you win. In hindsight, i should of mentioned intellectual-honesty and how if your using a straw man fallacy on purpose to "win", then your being dishonest... which is a bad thing. He was sort of talking about straw man like its a tactic he can use, which tbf makes sense if he's an internet troll.
He is just a prick. bullying people to make them feel $#%^ so that he feels a bit better about himself. While I was getting pissed of at his inability to listen to the concept that im explaining, he was just saying stupid little comments and then praising himself that he is too smart and everywhere he goes he just wins all the arguments. He cant see that he is self-validating his little "win" and it means jackshit except in his head.
ive felt like an idiot all day. I dont know why, the argument was just about the "straw man" fallacy which im 100% confident that I understand. but i feel like he played me like a kipper.
..I think its my emotions. I was calm, relaxed and casual at the start. Then his arrogance was made apparent was when I started getting emotional and overwhelmed by how wrong he was being... then when I was just fed up and feeling like "wtf, where is this $#%^ going" he started making loads of crappy little points and saying how much better than me he was.
Its hard to say how i feel without coming across as a total narcissist, but he is just a ######6 idiot who takes pride making people feel $#%^ and calling that an intellectual win. ######6 waste of space man. it ###$ me off because i have to actively put SO MUCH effort into humilitity because im naturally a dumb person who has BPD. I convince myself Im superior to others usually in terms of intelligence and so have to break myself down almost every day so i come back to earth with everyone else. When I am "back on earth" I feel much cleverer than when i feel "superior" because i gain that social intellegence and ability to communicate my thoughts.
....OR am i just ######6 crazy, be honest?
Right, im gonna try to get some work done... if you'vd read this then thanks for taking a moment out of ur life to help me out in mine. Really do appriciate it
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