Please, just what is this? (tocd possible trigger)

Everyone keeps saying that once the anxiety subsides you will ~feel like your old self back~ and that ~the weird feelings and thoughts are only caused by anxiety~ and stuff like that. But in my case I get weird feelings and thoughts even when there's little or no anxiety involved, so why is this happening? I just think that it's me not accepting the fact that i'm trans and want to be a woman, because following the above logic I shouldn't have this once the anxiety is under control.

If anyone has an explanation for this...horrendous... thing that's happening to me, I'd appreciate it.

Sorry this is happening sfb -

People with OCD go through this period. The high/panic anxiety goes away or subsides, but anxiety is still present. Without the high panic they think that their worst notions are confirmed, because they think they don't have anxiety.

However, if you are still feeing "this...horrendous... thing that's happening to me", then there is still anxiety/depression - enough to cause the thoughts you are having.

I don't even know my old self. Don't know what I want and who I am. It's horrible. I have TOCD and I also fear that once the anxiety subsides I'll know FOR SURE that I'm trans. So I'm hesitant to face treatment. I'm scared that my old self knows that I've been Trans all along. And I can't just believe that I'll feel normal again ever. That I'm worthy of being a woman.


Now to answer your question. Anxiety has a physical component and a psychological component. Sometimes I feel panic and sick to my stomach, heart racing, adrenaline rushes, hot flashes, but sometimes I don't experience them. And I'm guessing that's why you think the anxiety is gone, because your body doesn't react to it as strongly. But it's still there. And mentally you're still super scared and the fact that you need to get on here to perform a compulsion is already anxiety. You still have anxiety. The only way to get rid of it - and that's how you'll know you're still scared - if you do exposure to your thoughts. Imagine a scene in which you turn into a woman. For example getting rid of your hair. Body hair. And grow out your hair. Or need a wig. Something like that. And see how you react to it.

But how can you still have anxiety if you don't experience it on a physiological level? I'm pretty sure that's part of the definition of an emotion - that you're aware you experience an emotion because of the physiological symptoms

And yes it's still "horrendous thing", but that was after I had the uncomfortable feeling, as a reaction to that, which makes me think it's just my unwillingness to accept the fact that it's true.

It's because the anxiety is constantly there and it's not as severe. Which is why you can't shake it off. If you experience "real" anxiety in form of panic you can only ever feel anxious for 20 mins max. Then your body just gives up. Your body cannot feel anymore anxiety. That's what you do in exposure therapy. So you experience that your anxiety naturally declines. With OCD or even GAD, the anxiety is constantly on a lower level, but it's there. Just not enough to make you experience panic, which is why people with panic attacke can only feel panic for 20 mins max.

And here I thought you and miss artninja had things figured out snow since you've been gone a while. And I'm stuck.

snowflakesb wrote:But how can you still have anxiety if you don't experience it on a physiological level?

I have had plenty of severe obsessive/compulsive episodes that had little or no physiological effects. It was all in the brain.

Otter, agreed.

In fact, I catch myself laughing about how silly my OCD is and when I talk to my therapist I start to laugh sometimes because my thoughts are so messed up and irrational... but the doubt will keep the fear alive and of course the compulsion I link to the thought. I still feel anxiety deep down. But not so much on a physiological level either. I just know it's there and it creates doubt and won't leave me alone and I do experience fear when I THINK of being trans in DETAIL. If I truly imagine a scene in which I'm trans I get adrenaline rushes, stomach ache, heart races, nausea... Not a lot. But I do feel anxiety as soon as I picture it. Vividly.

Lisa1989 wrote:Otter, agreed.

In fact, I catch myself laughing about how silly my OCD is and when I talk to my therapist I start to laugh sometimes because my thoughts are so messed up and irrational...

this used to happen to me in the weirdest ways. Sometimes I would be out with friends, trying to have a good time, and for a second the whole OCD thing seemed like a dream, an irrational and silly dream. But almost immediately my face would flush with blood and I would be right back in it. And when I left my friends, it got even worse. Honestly it really felt like traveling between two different worlds for a brief moment.

Yes, I know what you mean.. I have almost "clear" moments from time to time..
I felt good after talking to my friend as well... but now.. I talked to a TG person and like all TG people they tell me that you can still fear being trans and be trans and that they also were a tomboy and then became more feminine but didn't like it...

Sigh, I'm so confused now... they asked me if i wanted to be a man to which i said no.. but I'm not sure I really don't want to be one. I think I'm fooling myself.