OCD and Moodswings

Hey guys, I was curious if any of you experience mood swings? I have been researching disorders, and mental illnesses recently and some things have begun to resonate with me. Thanks for any who can answer!

I have had mood swings in the past where my ex girlfriend thought I might be bipolar. We broke up six months ago. I know I have had mood issues, but they always seemed to resolve and I did not see there was a problem with it. She said being with me was like a rollercoaster. I thought about Cyclothymia, but then BPD made more sense, but I feel like I only have specific traits of BPD. I don't really care about the diagnosis. My girlfriend is not coming back, and I don't plan on interacting with people very much. It only affects me, and I want to resolve my issues so I can perhaps have an improved relationship in the future. I feel like an idiot for losing her, but at this point I know she was miserable with me. I cannot blame her. I have a ton of built up guilt, but that is besides the point.

I used to think that the concept of OCD was just needing for something to be organized, but doing some research that does not seem to be the whole thing. When I was in Freshman year of high school (I'm now 20), I for whatever reason had a need to write out all the notes from a book with as perfect of handwriting as I could, and I would end up copying the whole chapter. After leaving that class, I had a weird thing where when I would count, I had to do little nuances in sets of 9. Occasionally now, I will have obtrusive thoughts of things that I would not act upon, but wonder if I am a bad person for them even coming into my mind. I would never want to hurt someone or be a bad person. I have learned that they just sort of come and go, and if I do not concentrate on them, I can go about my day. Am I crazy? Is this reflective of OCD? Do behaviors like this come and go? I don't want to take up any resources from somebody who needs it in regards to a psychiatrist or something.

As I said, I have mood swings, but I do not necessarily have abandonment issues like in BPD. But I do get irritated, and now that I am aware of my moods, I try to figure out why I get so heated, or sad, etc. I just want to be healthy and happy. I am not looking for things to be wrong with me, but I will not bring this up with anyone else. I think they would believe me to be needing attention, when I am merely curious. I can usually go throughout my day without any problems but sometimes I willl get stuck on this odd habbit or behavior or thought process. After the fact, it does not seem so bad, but during my "episode", it is rather annoying.

"I can usually go throughout my day without any problems but sometimes I willl get stuck on this odd habbit or behavior or thought process. After the fact, it does not seem so bad, but during my "episode", it is rather annoying."

Damn, yeah, me too. I am actually in the bad phase... full of obsessive thoughts... it makes me feel angry against my woman because i didn't understand something she said about a friend of her... it was months ago... i had forget and know it came back into my mind and i don't what to do with this as it obsesses me. So weird. I'd like to ask her something to know, but i don't know what to ask... but the anger is here... i fear to feel anger against her... i don't want this, but i have the feeling i'll always feel angry if i don't ask her... but ask her what?? This is magical thinking i guess... I lost control... And these obsessions and this magical thinking makes my mood go down, because i feel anger and fear... so i am not in peace... i don't know the solution...