HOCD Questions?

-Can HOCD convince you that you actually are gay, when you indeed are straight?
-Can it truly cause emotions that make you feel like you enjoy the thoughts and make you feel like you desire/crush on the same sex?
- Can HOCD make you feel like your attraction for the opposite sex has just diminished? and it suddenly makes you notice/feel attraction for the same sex?

I have had other obsessions in the past such as obsessing over schizophrenia, harm, being known as unfaithful or a cheater, and now the whole lesbian/gay obsessions. Which has been by far the absolute WORST. While I still battle this whole gay obsession, I always still have the trickling thoughts of pedophilia (makes me sick to my stomach) and harm. It seems like I always have a pattern of a good week and a half where the thoughts can be controlled and if I have a troubling one I can easily dismiss it. But then I have about 4-5 days MAX of bad days, and when I mean bad...it's BAD.

I'm asking these questions because every time I am close to a girl (I'm a female) it makes me feel like I want to kiss her and cuddle her, it feels like I desire her. The thoughts feel beyond real, like in the moment I feel convinced that I am gay! It is just so crazy It happened today actually in my gym class (I'm in high school) and I still have been obsessing because it feels like I want her and desire her and I am just like wtf! I have always been interested in guys since I can remember. I always dreamt of getting married to the man of dreams and having kids. Now it feels like it's replaced with girls and it feels like I'm okay with that which kind of freaks me out. I've had it for a good six months now, so I don't know if I have just gotten so used to the thoughts they don't bother me as much as they used to. It seems like every one who has ben dealing with HOCD says they feel disgusted which worries me, because I don't feel disgusted anymore. It actually make me feel as if I enjoy the thoughts, and that women are suddenly so sexual/sensual and that I can't wait to have a wife or something! I used to think this with guys only. Now it's making me feel like all those feelings for guys were fake, that I never acknowledged that I was gay because I never thought about it and there was something missing with my attraction for guys, and that it was actually attraction for girls! It just has been very convincing because it feels like I have a desire and crush for many girls now. It has been so hard dealing with this. My therapist assured me that it's just my OCD and we were actually talking about upping the dosages on my meds to help along with the CBT. My thoughts have just been very convincing lately and I just want some comfort to know that I'm not the only one who experiences the extent of how real this feels and how tricky it feels. Please help.

You are not alone miss! I'm a 26 yo male and dealing with the same thing (I hope) but we need to stop seeking reassurance in order to get past this. I have like NO good totally good days anymore. Just doesn't happen.

jdd wrote:You are not alone miss! I'm a 26 yo male and dealing with the same thing (I hope) but we need to stop seeking reassurance in order to get past this. I have like NO good totally good days anymore. Just doesn't happen.

Thank you so much. It is just so hard not to seek that reassurance, when it all feels so real. It feels like my orientation has done a complete 180 from straight to lesbian in a matter of six months! I was so confident in being straight and liking guys. I just miss that feeling. Part of me knows it's just my OCD being tricky and trying to convince me of something I'm not. But then the other part actually feels like I'm gay and I just keep denying it to myself. I appreciate your reply, it definitely comforts me to know that I am not alone!

OCDsuffer0404 wrote:

jdd wrote:You are not alone miss! I'm a 26 yo male and dealing with the same thing (I hope) but we need to stop seeking reassurance in order to get past this. I have like NO good totally good days anymore. Just doesn't happen.

Thank you so much. It is just so hard not to seek that reassurance, when it all feels so real. It feels like my orientation has done a complete 180 from straight to lesbian in a matter of six months! I was so confident in being straight and liking guys. I just miss that feeling. Part of me knows it's just my OCD being tricky and trying to convince me of something I'm not. But then the other part actually feels like I'm gay and I just keep denying it to myself. I appreciate your reply, it definitely comforts me to know that I am not alone!

That's the tricky part about OCD, always seeking reassurance that you aren't turning into what you most fear. The trick is to let those thoughts come, embrace them, and then let them pass. Sure, using your compulsion alleviates the symptoms for a while, but they just come back later even stronger.

Just think of it this way. Most of the gay people I know were BORN gay. They didn't just wake up one day and say, "You know what, I fancy a penis today!" Most gay people accept their sexual identity, they just have problems with letting other people know, and feeling the shame and misery brought on by the sigma of being a homosexual. IF you were bi-sexual, you would know, honestly.
And even if you were, who cares?

hexrune wrote:

OCDsuffer0404 wrote:

jdd wrote:You are not alone miss! I'm a 26 yo male and dealing with the same thing (I hope) but we need to stop seeking reassurance in order to get past this. I have like NO good totally good days anymore. Just doesn't happen.

Thank you so much. It is just so hard not to seek that reassurance, when it all feels so real. It feels like my orientation has done a complete 180 from straight to lesbian in a matter of six months! I was so confident in being straight and liking guys. I just miss that feeling. Part of me knows it's just my OCD being tricky and trying to convince me of something I'm not. But then the other part actually feels like I'm gay and I just keep denying it to myself. I appreciate your reply, it definitely comforts me to know that I am not alone!

That's the tricky part about OCD, always seeking reassurance that you aren't turning into what you most fear. The trick is to let those thoughts come, embrace them, and then let them pass. Sure, using your compulsion alleviates the symptoms for a while, but they just come back later even stronger.

Just think of it this way. Most of the gay people I know were BORN gay. They didn't just wake up one day and say, "You know what, I fancy a penis today!" Most gay people accept their sexual identity, they just have problems with letting other people know, and feeling the shame and misery brought on by the sigma of being a homosexual. IF you were bi-sexual, you would know, honestly.
And even if you were, who cares?

Yeah, I completely understand! My friends who are gay all have known from a young age around 11 or so, maybe even younger. I have no problem with gays nor does my family, I just never thought in a million years that this OCD would hit me to question my sexuality so much to the point where I feel convinced! It is just so hard for me to not add so much significance to my thoughts which causes me to down spiral into rumination and obsessing so much. Some thoughts I can easily dismiss and just say "okay, that was an OCD thought." and proceed with what I was doing. Then the other times I will have a thought that feels so true like if it's guarantee that it will happen and that I'm going to have to live with it. Sometimes it will even go as far to doubt that I even have OCD despite any other obsessions that I've had in past and the anxiety troubles I had when I was younger. It's definitely hard to stop looking for the reassurance and just to have to live with the uncertainty. I just try to take it one day at a time and just to stay in the moment. Because whenever I even try to think about my future, it just makes me feel depressed. It'll even be hard to even think about being with a guy/ married in the future, because it's scary to think what if I am not attracted or feel blocked off. I try to shrug off the what if thoughts, but it's definitely scary and sad to think about it.

Well, that's the thing about OCD, it's going to do whatever it can to cause you to distress. I guess the key to really tackling it is just accepting that it's a thought. Your OCD can't force you to be gay. It's not like you are going to wake up one morning next to another woman and not figure out how the hell you got there. Trust me, OCD will do some devious stuff to do whatever it can to make you question it's existence. Kinda like Satan, or insert random Abrahamic religion's bad guy here.

Yeah, I totally agree. I think because I have had for awhile and how it's hard for me not to react to the thoughts and all these fake feelings that have come along with it. It has just reinforced to obsession more, making it feel more real. It's always a boost of hope when you hear people overcoming their obsession to show that it can be done, no matter how impossible it seems. It's just how scary this disorder can really make you question yourself/ convince you. I just try to remember that I have been through this with other obsessions although they didn't last long (2 weeks max). Then my mind would search for something to scare me and make me believe. I guess this was just the obsession that my OCD could get a good grip on me so it has stuck with me for awhile.