HIT AND RUN / DRIVING OCD

I have had driving OCD for the last 18 years. during that time I have had many scary experiences. Because of my obsessions and compulsions I have driven recklessly. I became so scared that I was causing an accident or hitting a pedestrian that I changed the way I drive.I was afraid that I was running cars off the road and I was afraid of hitting pedestrians. this also carried over to highway driving. I ended up only driving locally. I would repeatedly check my route and I would check newspapers news stations and police report to see if there were any car accidents. in the year 2002 I drove a very far distance specifically 2 hours on the highway. I also had to drive 2 hours on the way back home. during this drive I drove very dangerous dangerously. I changed the lanes repeatedly only checking my mirrors and never checking my blind spot. I basically was afraid to take my eyes off the road and I also did not know how to check my blind spot because of the two years of reckless driving before hand that messed me up. These were unfamiliar roads and I was not able to repeatedly check or turn around to see if I caused a car accident. I just drove straight through and never checked or performed any compulsions. now this may sound good like extreme ERP however it is very bad to do so. for the past 13 years I still suffer and where are you every single day that I caused the car accident. I know I did not hit anyone because I never made contact with a car. however I'm afraid that when I changed lanes I ran somebody off the road or cause some sort of car accident that I'm not aware of. I did not drive safely or do things the way I should have like I said before I did not check my blind spots. I continually worry every single day that I killed somebody or injured them seriously. if I drove normally and checked my blind spot it wouldn't be a big deal because I did everything I possibly could to drive safely and prevent a car accident. however that is not the case I'm terrified that I hurt somebody or possibly killed them. can somebody please help me.

You are certainly not alone in this. We have had posts about this before. And I was recently talking to a friend of mine about this issue, and she nearly started crying because she said she had that fear and she thought no one in the world had that kind of fear. She never told anyone because she was afraid of being seen as "crazy"

Well, no one is crazy because they feel this way. But you have been suffering this for a long time. There are methods that can help you (as you mentioned - ERP). Have you looked into any of them?

Otter.

Yes I have done ERP and continue to do it. It has helped me greatly. however I can't seem to get over this one situation. I am very pissed at myself for even putting myself in that situation. I guess my question is, would a rational normal person think that I am being unreasonable in my assessment that I caused a car accident? I didn't make contact with a car. I didn't hear anything like crashing or tires screeching. No horn blast either. But I did drive a significant distance and changed lanes a lot without checking my blind spot once. I am afraid my carelessness resulted in death or serious injury.

I keep worrying that I caused a car accident. I went on a long far drive and repeatedly switched lanes without checking my blind spots at all. I am afraid I ran someone off the road and either killed them or seriously injured them. Is it unreasonable for me to think this way. I didn't make contact with a car. I didn't hear anything like a crashing or tires screeching. No horn blasts either. I also had my windows down as it was summer time. Can anyone offer SERIOUS unbiased advice?

Tomax1984 wrote:I guess my question is, would a rational normal person think that I am being unreasonable in my assessment that I caused a car accident?

I'm afraid the short answer is, yes.

The longer answer is probably more useful.

People with OCD need to come to the realization that we live in a world of probability, not absolute assurance.

For instance, today I went driving. As far as I know, I didn't cause an accident. Can I know absolutely, 100%, that I didn't cause an accident? No. But I know how accidents happen, and generally speaking if it is happening in your proximity at that moment, you will notice it. If you cause it to happen, you will most likely notice the ramiifcations (and more often than not, you will be involved in it).

None of those things happened while I was driving. So the probability of me causing an accident is very very low. Do I know 100%? No, because I didn't stop every few hundred feet, get out of the car, and look around. So I live with that probability factor, and my life goes on.

In the world of OCD, life does not go on that way. Everything becomes "what if?", and "how do I know?". Those questions fuel an obsession to find 100% truth.

Of course, it is never found, because DOUBT will always be present. All you have to say is, "what if", and the process starts all over again.

Part of positive cognitive change is to let go of the hunt for 100% assurance.

Otter.

P.S I merged the new post you made since they are about the same thing.

What Otter said. Common as dirt in the ocd mind. I do that every so often. Most of the time I don't let it control me. Every so often, however....

Trigger warning for ocd, self harm, and The GoGos:
blog/snaga2.0/ooooh_a_quickie%C7%83_%28mild_trigger_warning_ocd_sh%29_b-8486.html