scared of ocd ruining relationship

Hi everyone. So I've been dealign with bad hocd and also some rocd as of late. I'm trying to get over it and sometimes it feels like I am but other times all I can do is cry and feel scared.

I'm currently on summer vacation, set to go back to school in late august. The week before school starts I'm gonna fly back to the states and stay with my boyfriend for the week. Before my anxiety got really bad I was so excited about this! I couldn't wait to hug him again, to lie down next to him, to get to hold his hand and even do things we do now like playing video games and just talking but actually getting to do it face to face. Our one year anniversary is also in september so it's coming up soon. I was really excited about this too, planning what I wanted to do and what gift I was gonna get him, everything.

I'm still excited but also very nervous. My hocd has involved a lot of checking mentally and sometimes it's too similar to things I've actually done with my boyfriend. So now when I think of him holding my hand, or pulling my closer when we sleep next to each other, or pushing my hair out of my face, I feel guilt. Because of all the checking I've done. And I worry that what if it happens when I'm actually with him?

Being with him I have always felt so purely happy and comfortable and secure. The morning of our last day together I woke up in his arms and thought, "this is the happiest I've ever been." Because I just felt so at peace in that moment, so safe and so happy. Now I'm worried that all this stress is going to make me lose that happy feeling. That i'll be so stressed and racked with guilt I won't be able to enjoy the moment anymore.

Most of the time when i talk to him all my worries go away. It's like they all just magically vanish. And I focus on how happy i feel with him and how good it feels to talk and laugh with him. And I'm hoping that will be the case when I visit him. That i'll see him again and be overwhelmed by how great it is to see him again and just be so happy that I'll realize all this worrying was silly. But there's still this fear inside me that what if that doesn't happen? And I know ocd is something that makes you say, "what if?" to practically everything. But a lot of the times I worry, "what if it's not ocd?" to my what if's. And it's scary.

How can I calm myself down? I've arranged for online sessions with an ocd specialist but there's a wait list so I won't get to see them until about two weeks now I think. That's close to the time I'm suppose to be flying back to the states so that I can get some insurance stuff done and move my things into my dorm before I visit my boyfriend. The worry is making it hard to get to sleep at night and fall back asleep when I wake early in the morning. Twice now I've gone to my mom in the morning, voicing my worries, and she replied, "This isn't your ocd. This is just you having a little tantrum." My mom isn't a bad person, really, she means to help. She wants to see me get better, but a lot of the times she gets exasperated and says things that hurt. And when that happens I don't know where to turn. Can anyone offer some advice please? Thanks.