hocd still bad. please read and reply?

Hi everyone. So I've already made a post about this before but it has not gotten any better so I would really appreciate more help.

Let me start off very briefly with previous ocd obsessions I've had. It started about two years ago with harm ocd. I think watching a vlog about someone talking about their intrusive thoughts was what triggered it. From that point on being around sharp objects scared, I didn't want to watch anything scary or violent. I accidentally watched a movie that was much more violent than anticipated and consequently had a panic attack. It got to the point I didn't want to go out for fear I would imagine some horrible violent thing happening to the people I saw and didn't even want to watch tv either in case I imagined happening to the people on tv as well.

After a while it got a little better. I started school and it seemed as though it had gone away completely which was great! I was doing great! I was sort of making friends, I got my first boyfriend, was being independent for the first time ever. Then gradually some of my ocd started to come back including the harm ocd and my depression hit me really hard on and off.

Fast forward to now. I still have some struggles with harm ocd but now it's mainly hocd. I absolutely loathe it. I have a boyfriend who I love more than anything and want to continue being with. He's not just my boyfriend, he's my best friend. I've had some problems with hocd for a while but it was easier to brush it off when I was at school. I would worry about it but then go no, I know it's not true, it's fine. And hanging out with him was a great distraction from all my worries most of the time and real reassurance that I do love him.

Thing is now it's summer and I obviously can't see him every day. We can text and Skype but he's often busy so it's tough. Now here's my thing. I know that being someone who is gay or bi or anything is not bad. I don't think it's good to judge people because of it or try to not allow them to be together. So I'm not homophobic. It's just I don't want to live like that. Is there anything wrong with it? No. But I don't want to date or do anything like that with someone of the same sex. I like boys, I know I like boys.I have since I was little. And I genuinely enjoy being with my boyfriend, both just hanging out and intimately. But the hocd makes me so scared. Scared that what I don't want to happen will happen and ruin everything.

It makes it hard to do anything. It's difficult for me to watch movies or shows and even go out because i worry i'll see a girl who is pretty and start freaking out because of my ocd thoughts. And then I think well what if what you're feeling isn't anxiety? What if it's butterflies or something? Which I do not want. Because again I know it's not wrong for someone to like both sexes or just one or you know whatever makes them happy. But the thing is I would not happy. Because I love my boyfriend and want to continue being with him and would be just devastated if anything happened to our relationship. Even if I wasn't with him, which I would hope would not happen, I don't feel I would be happy with someone other than a boy.

How can I make this stop? It's making it hard to do anything and life just feels horrible. It also makes me feel like a horrible girlfriend and I just don't want to do this anymore.