Do I have OCD or am I just particular?

I have been wondering about OCD for quite some time now, but I’ve been to afraid to bring it up with anyone. I’ve done a lot of research and read a lot about the disorder, and while I believe I have a lot of similar issues, my issues are different from the most common OCD symptoms and are slightly more mild than what I’ve been reading.

I have a very irrational fear of making decisions and have developed systems to help control my anxieties stemming from decision-making. I’m wondering if these symptoms are on the level of OCD, whether extreme or mild.

The following are the issues I am dealing with:

Closet Rotation: Part of my fear of making decisions involves deciding what to wear. I’m always terrified of making the wrong decision or re-wearing the same outfit too often and people noticing and me becoming embarrassed, so I’ve developed a system that allows me to wear each item of clothing equally. No item is ever worn more than another and no item is ever repeated in the same month. I take the first shirt in my rotation and match it with the first pair of pants/skirt/shorts (any bottom piece of clothing) in my rotation that goes with the shirt, and then I match both the shirt and bottom with the first shoe in my rotation that matches. Once I’m done wearing the outfit for the day, the shirt goes into the laundry and the pants go into the back of the rotation. I start over the next day, picking out the next shirt in the rotation and so on. Sometimes, if I am invited out to an event or dinner, but I’m not wearing something from my rotation on that day that I would feel comfortable wearing to the event, I will just opt out of attending rather than changing my clothes and ruining my rotation. Altering my rotation will give me anxiety.

Laundry: My laundry is done so that it coincides with my closet rotation. I always wait until I have no clean pairs of underwear left to wear, then I wash my clothes in alphabetical order by color. I wash the blues first. When they are all washed, I put all my blue shirts in the back of my closet rotation. Then, I wait until I run out of blue underwear (usually a few days), then I will wash my greys. I put all the greys in the back of my closet rotation. Then, I wait until I run out of grey underwear before I wash the pinks. Once the pinks are washed, I put them all in the back of my closet rotation, wait until I run out of pink underwear and then I will wash the whites. Once the whites are finished, I put them in the back of the closet rotation, wait until I run out of white underwear and then I will start the process over with blues. (I also have to wear my underwear in the order that it is folded and placed in my drawer)

Cookbook Rotation: I will also NEVER decide on what meals to make for dinner. I have developed a system to decide my meals for me. I have my cookbooks aligned in alphabetical order. I will then take the first cookbook in the rotation and break it up by the categories in the table of contents. I will then cook the first item in each category (appetizers, main dishes, side dishes, dessert, etc.). Once I have cooked the first thing in each category of the first cookbook, I will move on to the second cookbook and do the same. Once I have gone through all cookbooks, I will start over with the first cookbook, this time cooking the second item from each category. Once I have cooked through every 2nd item in each category in every cookbook in alphabetical order, I start over with the first cookbook and cook the third item in each category, and so on and so forth.

Radio Rotation: I have my preset stations arranged in order of frequency. The station on my first dial is the lowest frequency station. And the station on the last dial is the highest frequency station. I don’t like deciding what I want to listen to, so I made a system that decides for me. I start with the first day of the week (Sunday) and listen to dial #1, on Monday I listen to dial #2, on Tuesday I listen to dial #3, and so on…

Netflix: I get anxiety if I don’t watch my Netflix shows or movies in the order that I add them to the queue. I don’t want to have to decide what to watch, so I let my order decide for me. I’ve had friends suggest that I watch shows only to get mad at me for taking forever to actually watch them. When I explain that I simply can’t just change my order or I will have anxiety, they usually respond with “that’s really weird.”

Books: I also have to read my books in the order that they are purchased. If I change the order, I will have anxiety. My bookshelf also has to be in alphabetical order by authors last name.

Scratching/hair: When I do have overwhelming anxiety, I usually subconsciously run my fingers through my hair until my husband notices that I’m doing it and points it out to help me stop. Under very extreme anxiety, I have been known to scratch my skin over and over again in one place until it bleeds.

Washing hands: I wash my hands as many times as it takes before I “feel” the germs disappear. There isn’t necessarily a specific # of times – it’s just until I feel like the germs really are gone. Something in my brain makes me feel like they are still there (I can physically feel them on my hands), so I wash them repeatedly. I would say I average three hand washes per visit.

Budget: This is less anxiety related and more just being very particular about finances (it will tie into the next subject), but I did develop a system that helps me keep track of finances. I have created an Excel spreadsheet where I list every single penny my husband and I have earned in one month and every single penny we have spent in one month. If we make more than we spend, I divide that # into thirds. I take 1/3 and put it directly into a savings account never to be touched, 1/3 goes to pay extra on our debt (credit cards, student loans, etc.), and 1/3 we take shopping to reward ourselves for saving money. If we ever spend more than we make in a month, I add it to the next month and we MUST make up the difference.

Shopping: Also part of my decision-making fear, I never decide where I’m going to go shopping. I keep a list of stores/malls in my phone in alphabetical order. I will start at the first store and spend the amount that I’m given from my budget above (I also CANNOT go over that amount). Then, I will go to the next store in the alphabetical order the next month. If it’s a mall, I start at one end of the mall and go into each store, circling around in the order of the mall. I also rotate my grocery shopping by alphabetical order. One week I will go to Kroger, the next Trader Joe’s, the next Whole Foods, then it loops back to Kroger the week after.

Crayons as a child: I believe my behaviors started when I was five years old. Whenever I colored a picture, I would arrange my crayons in a straight line on the table. I would then pick up the first crayon and color the first item closest to the top left of the page. Then, I would put that crayon in the back of the line, pick up the next crayon in the order and color the item immediately to the right of the last item I colored, and would continue that pattern/rotation until the picture was finished.

Hypochondriac: I have been known to worry incessantly about my health and have gone to the doctor several times thinking I’ve had life-altering disorders that I don’t actually have. I don’t know if the symptoms I have are psychosomatic or if I just over-analyze a smaller symptom to the extreme. But I am constantly worried that I have cancer or MS or something devastating.

Looped thinking/story-telling: I find myself replaying social scenarios over and over again in my head. When I get home from a work event or a social setting, I find that I have to repeat the same information over and over again to my husband in order to control my anxiety. I will tell him the same story repeatedly until I feel like I have calmed down. I also run through all the scenarios that I should have done differently. If I think I said something stupid, it’s impossible for me to just say “oh well” and move on. It stays in my brain on a loop for a very long time. I often am still thinking about it even weeks, months, or years later. This is probably the most crippling of my anxieties, and often causes the most fights between my husband and I because he gets frustrated when I repeat the same things over and over and over to the point where I wear him out…and I don’t blame him.

I’m sure I’m forgetting to list many things as I have developed a “system” for nearly every aspect of my life, but this is a rough example of the major areas I struggle with.

I do nearly all of these things to control my anxiety and fear of making wrong decisions. I’m not sure what I’m afraid is going to happen if I make the wrong decision, but the anxiety and worry that I have made the wrong decision is so overwhelming that I feel like I need to control it by using these tactics.

But I like most of my “systems” that I create. I prefer to live my life under these systems. What I don’t like is the anxiety that stems from not performing these systems or the anxiety that causes me to perform these systems. I know that people with OCD wish they didn’t have to perform certain tasks in order to control their anxiety. So, if I actually like my “systems” and like the way they help me control my anxiety and live my life, does that mean I do not have OCD? Is this just me being very particular?

hi A... i'm sorry for the late response. i really hope you're still around..

hmm.. to be honest it's difficult to answer whether it can be considered as ocd. based on what i read, there are a few parts in your post which can be a symptom of OCD. your best bet is to see a mental health professional, if you really wanted to know whether you have OCD. well but i wanted to say i can relate to what you're saying, especially this part:

ashso610 wrote:I’ve been to afraid to bring it up with anyone. I’ve done a lot of research and read a lot about the disorder, and while I believe I have a lot of similar issues, my issues are different from the most common OCD symptoms

ashso610 wrote:to list many things as I have developed a “system” for nearly every aspect of my life,

ashso610 wrote:I do nearly all of these things to control my anxiety and fear of making wrong decisions. I’m not sure what I’m afraid is going to happen if I make the wrong decision, but the anxiety and worry that I have made the wrong decision is so overwhelming that I feel like I need to control it by using these tactics.

ashso610 wrote:But I like most of my “systems” that I create. I prefer to live my life under these systems. What I don’t like is the anxiety that stems from not performing these systems or the anxiety that causes me to perform these systems. I know that people with OCD wish they didn’t have to perform certain tasks in order to control their anxiety. So, if I actually like my “systems” and like the way they help me control my anxiety and live my life, does that mean I do not have OCD? Is this just me being very particular?

i, too. i prefer to live my life under these so-called systems, i totally understand when you said you actually like your systems and like they way they help you control your anxiety and live your life, i don't want to lose it, it's like my coping mechanism and i've had them since i was a child. but i was very struggling at the same time as i could spend 8 hrs a day to perform the complicated rituals, and due to 'vicious cycle' of OCD,extreme anxiety,as well as other things

IMHO and as far as i'm concerned, the thing is if 'the system' is NOT interfering with your daily life and causing you significant distress, it's definitely OK to have such peculiarities, and as long as you get them under control. however, if these rituals disrupt your life or someone else's life, or in other words, it makes your life unbearable, ofcourse you need to seek professional help. regarding how people managed to control their anxiety/rituals, everyone does it differently. and in answer to your last question, i can say it doesn't mean you do not have OCD just because your symptoms are different

i hope this makes sense, and good luck to you.