Depersonalization is making me lose strength (tw)

4 months with this and I just can't keep going. I've always been a strong person but I can't do it. I don't even know if this is DP anyways, it feels farther than that.

I basically obsessed my way into Depersonalization from trauma and OCD. I went through a hard couple months before the onset, and I've always been a deep thinker and over analytical. It's as if DP has made me "figure it all out". I look at people now as just mammals and nothing more, I'm extremely existentially obsessed to where just thinking about existence makes me nauseous. I used to have it all. Good job, good family. I don't even know how to love anymore. And I'm losing my job. And I'm almost completely lost my identity. I'm on a horrible sleeping schedule where I basically sleep the entire day away. I'm losing so much weight I'm growing weak and look borderline anorexic.

This hyper awareness of reality and existence is just terrible. I can literally feel reality and existence.. I notice it with every waking moment. Constantly in panic because I'm alive and in reality. I can't even cry anymore, because as soon as I even feel emotion the thought of existence and the absurdity of it all follows right behind it and shuts off my emotions. I've lost my faith because of this. Everything is pointless and absurd.

I know there is no going back. My life is over. I just see the way of the world now that no man should... I used to be so happy. I feel like I'm in some kind of horrible game. I feel like this is all just an illusion and it never stops getting worse. Throw a little bit of solipsism in there and I'm at my worst nightmare. Where did everything go wrong... I'm not psychotic but at this point I just can't help but the think this is all just a horrible game being played on me. Or maybe I just have a irresistible glitch in my conscious where I cannot live. I want to live, but I can't keep living like this. I've been stripped of everything. From happiness, to emotions, to my own reality. The air around me makes me uncomfortable, everything I look at because existence is just so scary and absurd.
The life I once loved is a life no more. And I mourn myself and my old life everyday.
Thank you everyone for your help. And please try to enjoy your life. I just can't believe I'm in this state, i mean existence itself annoys me and freaks me out at the same time.

as a person who had the most horrible depersonalization/derealization i can assure you that it will go away,i used to be like you,i obsessed about it all day and i've think of it 24/7,even when i was dreaming i thought about it.
and like you i also thought that what if i'm psychotic,what if i'll go crazy and lose touch with reality.
i had it for a straight year and it was pure hell.
buti think the only person to blame is me,i thought about it all day everyday.i didn't let myself the opportunity to be healed.
the key is to stop thinking about it,and it will finally go away.
after this obsession and DP healed,i began to have different kind of obsessions,
right now i'm struggling with HOCD and let me tell you something,i wish i had DP instead.
i'm saying this because i wanna let you know that depersonalization and derealization are not the worst mental illnes and feelings to have.
don't think about it man,let yourself be cured.
enjoy life,have fun and don't worry about this stupid $#%^.
i've beaten it,so can you.

Dante, i actually used to have HOCD and for some reason this is worse. I'm horribly depressed and i do not understand why i am so scared of existence. reality itself scares me. its hard to explain.