Identity fears are making me Suicidal

Hi guys. I suffer with OCD really badly, I had fears of sexuality and fears of being trans...etc. But now my mind has latched onto other genders. I've read stuff about agender and now I'm scared that I'm agender. There's lots of reasons I feel so drawn to this and worried by this, the number 1 reason being idk what gender even is. So my head is scaring me that if I don't know what it even means to be a girl then how can I identify as one? I don't feel like a boy or a man, that feels foreign to me so I'm ignoring the trans fears best as I can as they feel more irrational. But agender people don't feel like they are any gender, just a person. And I'm scared/worrying like crazy that it must be me because idk what being a girl even means. All I know is that all my life I've never questioned being a girl and was fine with how I am, but now upon reading up on agender I'm questioning everything. I know it's OCD making me obsess but that doesn't mean it isn't true and part of me is scared it's denial...because I'm not a girly girl, I get scared every time I read the word "Woman" because I'm scared it doesn't fit with me. Woman sounds so adult-like and feminine and it doesn't feel right but that makes me soooooo anxious. I'm like a tomboy kind of girl. I'm seriously worried this must be denial and that I must not be any gender, just a person. I'm SO anxious and scared because the labels girl/woman don't even feel right and idk if it's anxiety or real. I once read this Trans letter and it said "You know your identity because when you say the word "woman" it fits with you, it feels like home. But it doesn't for me, it just sends me up the wall with anxiety! I feel like nothing feels like home but that's what all agender people say! This probably makes no sense as I don't see anyone with OCD experience this fear (Probably because other genders are rarely even known, but that scares me even more! Because if more people did know of these genders they'd probably find out they are one! And I fear that's happened to me) Is there anyone who can help? I'm scared I feel like idk who I am and I'm in denial and I need to come out about it. Agender forums all have people like me saying they found it and they think they are and I'm losing my mind with worry! I just want to be fine with being a girl. I never cared before

hi Evie... judging from your post, it doesn't sound like you're agender. not a girly girl doesn't necessarily mean you're not a girl. you're scared you're in denial, it's really common for people with ocd/anxiety to feel that way. stop questioning yourself, you said you just want to be fine with being a girl. don't let your own worries trick you. i hope things get better soon

Is it normal to feel like you've accepted an OCD fear as real sometimes? I don't do that with my other fears except this one.. I feel like I read so much on this that made me feel I can relate to it, and I think that's why I'm so anxious because it felt like it was real and I'm just denying it. I hate this so much I really can't breathe

Evie900 wrote:Is it normal to feel like you've accepted an OCD fear as real sometimes? I don't do that with my other fears except this one.. I feel like I read so much on this that made me feel I can relate to it, and I think that's why I'm so anxious because it felt like it was real and I'm just denying it. I hate this so much I really can't breathe

yes, definitely.. and personally, i think if you're indeed just denying it, and you're the real agender, you don't think you'll not get so anxious like now. but you need to stop questioning yourself in order to prevent your anxiety getting worse