I am so scared I might hurt someone

The last couple days I have been extremely worried I might cause physical harm to one of my family members. I keep thinking how I can just step into the kitchen and get something to hurt them with. I don't know what to do, I love my family so much and would never want to hurt them. Sometimes I have anger issues I'm scared that will escelate. One of my biggest worries is that i will black out and wake up with them badly hurt. I want them to put a lock on my door on the outside so I know I can't do anything in the night. I have only felt like this once before which was after watching a crime drama about someone who had been murdered. it was late at night and i kept thinking i'm going crazy, i might hurt them. i kept thinking about the crime scene photos and it gave me a panic attack. It was my first one.

Now again I mad the mistake of watching a show on real life crime and they showed the bodies and they're stuck in my head. I nearly had another panic attack where I felt like I would hurt them and I kept telling myself "you won't do it, calm down, you're not gonna do it" but then in my head I kept thinking how easy it would be since they're asleep. I feel like crying, I feel like hurting myself so i won't hurt them. I want to be locked up so I can't do anything. my contamination fears have gotten better but I would rather scrub my body for an three hours than deal with this. I hate myself.

Maybe crime scene photos are triggering for me. these shows impacted my greatly and i felt so bad for the victims. maybe that's why they gave me panic attacks. i don't know what is wrong with me. i am so sick of my ocd. it has been sic years now and i want it gone. i just want my family to be safe from me i feel like a monster. what can i do to stop these disgusting thoughts