Anxiety/arousal/masturbation/orgasm

It is very lonely and also very horrible and very confusing sometimes. It adds another layer to the problem. When I was a kid, I was terrified of the wind. I used to constantly check the weather channel for the wind speed, stared at my window to look outside to check the trees (I used to do this to check the wind speed), and I would miss school if it was too windy. I know its kinda strange, but I think that this was some form ocd I had. My dad used to laugh at me because of it. It was very lonely and frustrating for me because I thought that there was something wrong with me. I was really afraid of the wind and felt so alone. I went to counseling, but it took a long time for me to solidify myself to get over it. Every now and them, when it is really windy, I still get anxious but not like I used to. I would rather be scared of the wind than to have POCD. It makes it look like a walk in the park.

Just relapsed on porn, and I know that I will feel more anxious later. Just bought a book called The Porn Trap. POCD sucks. Wish I could be free from it. Just realized that there are some underlying issues that I need to resolve in order to free myself from porn and pocd. Shame. Its been a constant in my life. Everything in my life has changed except the shame.