HOCD? Any tips? Please answer me.

I'm so exhausted, I think I might cry.

I'm 22. Up until now, I have always been interested in men. I've never dated anyone or even been kissed but I always was attracted & fantasized about men. Always. Well 5 months ago, I asked myself if I was gay and now it affects my sleep and just my entire life overall.

At first I would get so sick to my stomach every time I would have gay thoughts and now I'm just so numb to the whole thing. Like the thoughts aren't even disgusting anymore - I don't know if this is because I'm just so used to this (after 5 months) or if I really am Gay or if I know it isn't real, or I DON'T KNOW. I just remember being so into boys and I want to go back to that. I had a gay thought and I literally just sat in my bed, emotion-less, tired, trying to see if this is a real fantasy or a fake one.

What should I do? I would really like to avoid going on meds if I do have HOCD, but I still freaking about the fact that I might be in denial about gay. I don't know what to do. I'm scared. I'm tired. I want to cry.

Honestly any help would be appreciated. Anything at all.

Hi, lilmiszkailey
What you described would connect with HOCD, because I know the tricks it does to your mind. (I suffered with HOCD in January, but it's not as bad as it is now.) You're a 22 year old young woman, who never dated or been kissed by men in the past, but always been attracted to men. (I am the same way, but I am 16 years old female and my brain is still developing.) HOCD takes that advantage, and twisted it into horrible and intrusive thoughts (gay, harm against yourself or others, pedophile, murderer, rapist, etc.) that you never really thought of and you fear those things.
I. calm down and relax. If you panic, you give it strength and it will unleash more hell on you and you would NOT want that.
II. find a stress reliever! OCD is known to operate when it gives you unwanted thoughts and you will began to spike.
III. face the fear. If you fear being gay, don't avoid your same sex friends, don't look at pornography (that would be checking), and don't be afraid to tell anyone you trust you are having these thoughts and find help
IV. exercise! It's important if you have any bad habits, get out of the house and work it out! Meditating or Prayer helps too, because it helps the mind become silenced under these intrusive thoughts.
V. professional help and therapy saves the day! OCD is an anxiety disorder and the reason why people suffer from OCD is that they're good, moral people (Gay people suffer from OCD, but it's called "Straight OCD") and if the OCD decides to act up and interrupt your daily life, there's no shame in going to get help from psychiatrist.
Good Luck!

Hello!

First of all I wanted to thank you for replying to me. It means a lot.

- I actually am going to my an appointment with a therapist this upcoming week. I have some other issues along with this (my OCD is not just regarding my sexuality, and I have a mild case of depression/anxiety).

- It's just crazy because on some days I'm so happy in confident with my sexuality. The thought of being a guy before all of this made me warm, fuzzy, and happy. When I started getting these thoughts and started thinking about girls, it made me sick to my stomach - that is where I started to think that this might be OCD because attraction is supposed to make you feel happy and warm and fuzzy.

- I think the fact that I have never been with anyone is making me feel this way. On my bad days I always tell myself that I don't know my sexuality because I've never kissed a guy. It makes me sad and scared. But I know for a fact that if I was in fact as lesbian, I would have noticed it by now (most of my friends my entire life were girls, rather than guys). I would have been attracted to a girl by now.

- I'm actually going to try meditating! I know it's helped some with HOCD, but also OCD overall. Hopefully that will help me.

Thank you so much!

You're absolutely welcome! ☺

I'm going through the same thing and some days, I am happy with no thoughts and others, I cry and lay in the bed all day.

Glad to hear that you scheduled an appointment! You're on your way to recovery!

Oh, yeah, the feeling of thinking about a guy makes my heart beat faster and smile like an idiot. I even sometimes look at my celebrity crushes movies to make happy (e.g. Chris Evans [Captain America] is my favorite!)

I only been with one person in my life and that was in middle school. I laugh at that relationship, because I was so young.

Meditating is great, but I never tried it. I either exercise or pray. There's apps I use called "Pacifica" & "Mindshift" that helps deal with anxiety and stress and they may possibly help you greatly during your recovery. (I use Pacifica the most.)

Keep updating on your progress!