Paranoia (need urgent help)

Hi, do any of you kind souls who have been diagnosed with OCD experience paranoia? Specifically that someone might have poisoned your drink, contaminated it with HIV infected blood, etc?

I have the strangest thought nagging my head these past few days. On Saturday I went for a drink with my dentist. I got to know him when we went for army reservist in december last year and since i didnt have a dentist, i decided to see him for a consultation. in short, i removed my impacted wisdom teeth, extracted a decaying tooth and also had a root canal done all at the guy's clinic.

Since were aroudn the same age, we went for a drink on saturday. For the life of me, when i woke up on sunday, i had a nagging fear that when we were drinking the night before and I went to the bathroom, he may have slipped some HIV infected blood into my drink. As my mouth was scarred internally (recovering from surgery) this would be an ideal way to transmit the virus.

I know this is totally illogical, but somehow this thought keeps on recurring in my mind. Why do I feel this way? Logically speaking, this is a very stupid scenario. But while a part of me knows this is totally bull $#%^ and illogical, another part of me is convinced its true. Terrible feeling.

Btw - i was diagnosed with OCD (HIV OCD) in Apr 2013. Been on various meds since (effexor/lamictal) but doctor has been tapering me off them and now im on 75 mg effexor 3 times a week. Should i go back on the meds? These thoughts are really killing me! And of course I'm not going to ask him if he poisoned me... that would certify me a nutjob in his book.

PLS do advise.

I have suffered numerous intrusive thoughts along these lines. Obviously, once you have passed a fork in the road and one way goes towards "intrusive thoughts" and the other towards, "delusional beliefs" - and you can't remember which one you went down - it's important to asses how these thoughts impact your behavior.

In my case, all I ever heard in my head was, "what if". To use your example, my thoughts would say (alternating), "this is silly, he hasn't poisoned my drink", and "but what if? you never know". Like you I would never asked him if he poisoned me, because I really knew it was silly, and I really knew he would think I was a nutjob.

If someone was delusional, they wouldn't have those last thoughts above. They might not say something right away (because they feel they might be wrong), but they are sure it COULD have happened, in reality, and are assessing the possibilities. It may come to pass that they let it go, but it wasn't really a matter of fighting with intrusive thoughts.

Otter.

Dear Otter,

Thanks for your quick reply. it has been cathartic being able to vent my feelings on this forum.

If i may ask , how do you manage these thoughts? Thoughts which the logical part of you knows are irrational but the OCD/"unwell" part of you decides to persist in thinking.

Do you just wait for them to fade away? In my case the thoughts are strongest about a week after the event and then they recede until the next supposed "event" takes place. Can i expect to live like this forever? I can forsee it being a pretty miserable life if thats the case!

How long have you had these thoughts? For me the thoughts started happening about a year after i had a near mental -breakdown and had to see a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with OCD.

Hope that you can share.

Regards

If i may ask , how do you manage these thoughts? Thoughts which the logical part of you knows are irrational but the OCD/“unwell” part of you decides to persist in thinking.

Medication did wonders for me. But the practical, behavioral changes I made was to play through the thoughts immediately. So, if my thought said, “what if that pickle with your sandwich has one of those super bacteria in it?”, I would take a bite of the pickle right away. In the beginning I would also tell my thoughts, “F— Y—“, right after I did the opposite of what it was trying to convince me. I started to work against every thought that came my way. I would say, “fine, if the worst happens, it happens - but stay the F— out of my mind”. I paid the price. It wasn’t easy. But eventually many of the thoughts went away.

Do you just wait for them to fade away? In my case the thoughts are strongest about a week after the event and then they recede until the next supposed “event” takes place. Can i expect to live like this forever? I can forsee it being a pretty miserable life if thats the case!

and

How long have you had these thoughts? For me the thoughts started happening about a year after i had a near mental -breakdown and had to see a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with OCD.

No, you WILL NOT live like this the rest of your life. But the time it takes to heal is up to you. I didn’t have a NEAR breakdown, mine was full-blown and I ended up in the hospital with more than just OCD.

Sadly I was not diagnosed with OCD and I didn’t know what OCD was and I kept my strange thought and behaviors (compulsions) from my psych. When I did finally talk to her, she got me on meds and two weeks later I started on a road to recovery. So when I mean it is up to you, it’s how you attack OCD/anxiety - with the help of your psych and meds, therapy, etc. But the will to do something about it, is half the battle.

Everything you have suffered, I have, and more - much more. I have been free of severe OCD for 20+ years.

Otter.

I started to work against every thought that came my way. I would say, “fine, if the worst happens, it happens - but stay the F— out of my mind”. I paid the price. It wasn’t easy. But eventually many of the thoughts went away.

This is very useful advice. I will start wiring my mind to think in this way. I have been thinking along these lines since this morning and it has been helping. OCD is the doubting disease, it encapsulates you in a miserable web of self doubt, when the fact is, that one can truly never be 100% sure of anything. There are things I will never know, and things i can never control. I will have to accept that.

No, you WILL NOT live like this the rest of your life. But the time it takes to heal is up to you.

Thank you, that really helps, reading this.

I have been free of severe OCD for 20+ years.

And I sincerely hope many more years are to come for you, free of OCD!!

You probably feel that he would infect your drink, etc as you have a negative mindset
and look at life as only Black or White.
But look, he wouldn't do that. Our brain tends to exaggerate fearful thoughts sometimes.
And if he does that, he would probably get sacked.

davidngale wrote:
This is very useful advice. I will start wiring my mind to think in this way. I have been thinking along these lines since this morning and it has been helping. OCD is the doubting disease, it encapsulates you in a miserable web of self doubt, when the fact is, that one can truly never be 100% sure of anything. There are things I will never know, and things i can never control. I will have to accept that.

You pretty much nailed the whole thing, right there (bolded part)