Is this HOCD?

Everything you wrote in the first post I can relate to. Excessive porn use, looking at women all the time, prostitutes, etc. This is called "reassurance".

What you described in the second post I can't relate to. I don't forcefully look at men. I don't get 'mild erections'. I avoid them! I panic when I seed a good looking, muscular one. My therapist says there are two forms of relieving anxiety: avoidance or rituals. I probably belong to the first group, while you to the second.

I think I'm getting better, though. In the past, I probably would think I'm 'attracted' to you. In this discussion, I'm more inclined to be 'attracted' to luxury.

I've always been close to my female friends and never been uncomfortable with showing "friendly" intimacy for my female friends until I got HOCD - it's like you said a part of being a girl. I've googled through this (which I know I shouldn't do, it only makes the OCD worse) and apparently women naturally have more bi tendencies than men. I don't know how true this is, it could be that women are culturally and socially raised to be more open about their sexuality. Also women are largely sexualised today in media etc.

Anyways you are right. Being a girl and having HOCD is terrible. I couldn't sleep or eat normally for a week. The intrusive thoughts were haunting me endlessly and they would not stop. It was all I was thinking about, "what if im gay/bisexual?". And then I started to analyze my childhood and all the memories of me being with boys, to see if I was feeling attractions etc.

I also started to have anxiety when talking to a female friend I found attractive. My mind kept saying "what if i'm attracted to her?, "do i want to be with her?". Absolutely terrifying.

Is biting on the nails endlessly a sign of OCD behaviour? I have always biten my nails and the flesh around them to the point where I start to bleed or it hurts. But I have never been able to stop. I do this alot more now that my HOCD has entered. It would add up to the fact that I'm experiencing HOCD right now. Before I was having intrusive thoughts about dying, my parents dying, my brother dying etc.

About the meds. I have people in my surroundings which are proof of meds being really bad...It's the last alternative for me, really. If CBT doesn't work I'll try meds. But I've heard that meds only lowers the symptoms, but it doesn't cure your OCD/anxiety.

luxury wrote:Is biting on the nails endlessly a sign of OCD behaviour?

No. But it is a sign of anxiety (which fuels OCD).

I've related something similar to my therapist - compulsively scratching a scar on my head - and she said that it is not necessarily related to OCD. But, in my case, it never 'fueled' my OCD.

ocdbrazil wrote:Everything you wrote in the first post I can relate to. Excessive porn use, looking at women all the time, prostitutes, etc. This is called "reassurance".

What you described in the second post I can't relate to. I don't forcefully look at men. I don't get 'mild erections'. I avoid them! I panic when I seed a good looking, muscular one. My therapist says there are two forms of relieving anxiety: avoidance or rituals. I probably belong to the first group, while you to the second.

I think I'm getting better, though. In the past, I probably would think I'm 'attracted' to you. In this discussion, I'm more inclined to be 'attracted' to luxury.

In the beginning I only avoided men and got anxiety/panicked when seeing them on the street. Now I'm constantly looking to test myself the same way with women and I have no reaction to it anymore. I can't tell what I like or dislike anymore. And the mild erections scare me...

I remember with porn I would watch a video, not get much out of it, and then long after I would process it in my mind and replay it. Then I would get aroused thinking about it and want to go back and watch it. Now this is happening with some of the clips images of naked men that I looked at while testing myself and I keep feeling like I'm getting aroused by it.

You urgently need therapy, then. You have entered into a spiral of compulsions (like washing your hand). Luckily, I've always been more an O type (I had my spiral of Os, which were terrifying)....

ocdbrazil wrote:You urgently need therapy, then. You have entered into a spiral of compulsions (like washing your hand). Luckily, I've always been more an O type (I had my spiral of Os, which were terrifying)....

I just started therapy but the therapist isn't very helpful. He's the one that reassured me that I'm not gay and then suggested that I'm bisexual. I am starting my OCD treatment with a psychiatrist next week and I really hope he helps. He said that he see's this sort of thing "all the time" and that it's treatable.

From my previous experience before OCD a therapist will never say "you're this or that". He or she will let you reach the conclusions by yourself. A psychiatrist will give you meds which will give you momentaneous relieve. Is the therapist you're seeing a CBT therapist?

HopeLite wrote:He's the one that reassured me that I'm not gay and then suggested that I'm bisexual.

I don't understand some therapists. He/she shouldn't have done that.

Otter wrote:I don't understand some therapists. He/she shouldn't have done that.

Otter, I know for sure that psichoanalysis and other currents wouldn't do it. Do you know what a CBT therapist might do?