Feeling confused.. what place am I at right now?

I've gotten to a confusing place with my OCD. i've been working really hard on accepting thoughts and lowering my anxiety. And on one hand, yes, I don't get nearly as much anxiety when i get an intrusive thought, and I reassure myself much less now BUT

It's kind of made me more depressed. I used to rely on the reassurance to pull me out and make me feel okay,but now because i've stopped trying to reassure myself, i have to live knowing it's a possibility and it TERRIFIES ME.But because I no longer have crippling anxiety whenever I feel like I might be a p***, I feel like I just AM one and I hate myself, I really don't want to be one. The more I try to accept the possibility of being one, the more I feel like I am one, and i'm just in denial. I know everyone with ocd feels like that, but sometimes I just feel so depressed towards myself because of it.
I feel a bit better now but knowing OCD, i'm sure the feeling will come back.

What should I do? Is this just a bump in the rode that will go away, and I should continue trying to accept thoughts/possibilities? I know going back to the anxiety and reassurance isn't right.

Note: PLEASE do not suggest getting professional help or meds. I would if i could but my parents do not allow it. Maybe when i'm old enough to do it myself, but for now I can't

by accepting the possibility of being P, like 'it's ok if i am a P', doesn't make you pedo.. so don't worry. you're definitely not in denial...

keep going, it indeed takes time and process. and the need for consistency. you will get past this eventually if you work hard. good luck