I cannot stand it anymore (POCD)

I know there are pedophiles surfing this website. If you read this I must tell you that I don't want to sound rude or offensive. Please, understand my situation. Don't get offense because I respect you. Also excuse if I made a mistake on writting, English is my second lenguage.

Hello, I am entering here because I'm desperate. I don't want to be a pedophile. I just can't deal with the idea. I am 18 and everything that I read about pedophilia I get sick thinking that may I be one.

First of all, I recognize I'm a very obsessive person. I've been obsessed with so many irrational things like the smell on the books; get assaulted on the street or even catch an uncommon disease.

All started this way:
A month ago. I was suffering of a lot of stress during one week. I wasn't ejaculate for six days because I was on a trip with friends, and then, when I finally got the chance, I see a photo of a little girl on swimsuit who remind me a girl who I really like and the taboo thing did the rest. It got me excited. I didn't have any more material and that made it up.
When I finished, I started to feel that I just had ruined my life. I've never had attraction to any little girl on my teens (when I was a kid I liked girls of my age but no in a sexual way) and I would NEVER abuse of a child.

Then, the obsession went bigger and bigger, now all the time I think horrified that maybe I am a pedophile. Two psychologist said me the same thing: "it's something punctual, you don't use to do that, you are not a pedophile, you have POCD".
Now each time that I see a child, I check and check if that made a reaction on me. It doesn't. But even If I gather a thousand evidences that I'm not a pedophile, it is not enough.
I surf all night the net searching for articles and articles untill I sleep.

I don't want to break up with my girlfriend for this obsession, I'm about to start college and I feel If I'm a pedophile I won't be able to enjoy of my true sexuality.
I've always like women of my age, how can it all this possibly be? It's like a force wanting to turn me on what I'm not.

Please, you got to help me. I feel terribly bad, everyday it gets worse. Can sexuality change this way?

Hello
It's not going to help if I tell you that you're not a paedophile, because you'll still be trying to make sure. that's how OCD works. But you should know that you are suffering from OCD.

You can go to a psychiatrists and ask him to give you meds.
But another efficient way to treat OCD is a cognitive behavioural therapy.
The method used to help people with OCD is ERP- Exposure and Response Prevention. That is, putting the person to the situation that makes him feel anxious, and instructing him not to do respond to it in way that makes him less anxious. For example, let's say I believe that seeing a black cat is a bad sign, and if I see it I have to knock on a wood to save myself. The therapist will gradually expose me to the fear without letting me knock. After exercising this for some days, I will be much less afraid of the situation, and will not feel like I need to do the compulsion of knocking.

Seeing a therapist can help you a lot, he can encourage you and give you the tools and instructions to solve the problem. Self help can be good too, but you have to be a pro and it also requires courage to do scary things. I believe that seeing a therapist is the best way.

Good luck!