HOCD... then TOCD?

I've posted here a couple of times about HOCD and I think those thoughts are finally gone only be replaced by trans-OCD. I am so scared that I am thinking of being transsexual/transgender. I don't want to be. I've NEVER had these thoughts before and it just suddenly came up to me yesterday again. I only say again because a couple of months ago, I thought about the same thought, but after I stopped thinking about it, it went away and it was back to HOCD again. Now it's the same cycle, now I'm thinking I have TOCD. I don't even know if TOCD is a real illness like HOCD is because nobody seem to really have it. I love being a girl, I like getting my nails/hair done, I have girly clothes, and stuff like that. When I was younger, I was a tomboy, but once high school started, I like wearing skirts and being a girl. I think it's OCD because this thought was very suddenly and it's giving me anxiety. What do you guys think? I'm really scared of this one. I am hoping this too shall pass.

It's OCD

I suffer from HOCD right now too... It's hell. It has come so far that I think it's true that I'm a lesbian, something I don't even want to be!

If you get a thought you are really scared of and get anxiety of - it's mostly OCD. I would say it's 100% OCD. Don't analyze it or give it any attention. Just let it be.

Do you know how you got rid of your HOCD? Did it just vanish on its on?

Felizia

I'm trying so hard and it's sometimes feel very, very real and that scares me. Honestly, the HOCD kind of disappeared but TOCD came with a punch. So it's like I let one thing go and another thought takes it place. :/

Yeah, that's one of OCD's skills: replace a thought with a new one that seems even worse than the old one. I know it all too well...

Soon something else will come along to replace your TOCD, maybe it's HOCD again or something new. Just remember to not analyze it from the start. It's easier to just let it go before you even have the chance to analyze it. I've been stuck with my HOCD now for 4 years, in periods, of course. Sometimes it's ROCD. I would rather have ROCD now than HOCD. HOCD - for me - is the worst form. How can your brain doubt something so obvious about yourself? It's insane. I have always been into guys, so why would I now be into girls when I can't even see myself fall in love with one or have a relationship with one... This OCD is eating me alive. But we gotta be strong - we are not alone in this, even if it feels like it.

I completely agree with everything you just typed. I almost looked at OCD like a game, it's amazing how talented and skillful it is to adjust your way of thinking. TOCD is the worst for me because I feel like I'm losing myself sometimes. I dealt with HOCD for about 2 months before TOCD came along.

felizia wrote:How can your brain doubt something so obvious about yourself? It's insane.

That quote right there is when you know it's OCD because it always seem to take something that's obvious about yourself and make you panic about it. I was so confidence that I've been a girl, I've always like being a girl and when TOCD pops up BAM, it doubts who I was always confidence with. It's so crazy.

This thought has come so far that I think it's true, and it's not the first time. So I walk around thinking, "I'm a lesbian... but hey, I don't really want to be" - A real lesbian wouldn't say that. A real lesbian likes girls and want things with a girl the way a straight girl likes men and want things with a man. I know this. And so what if I'm a little turned on by the female body or lesbian porn, that doesn't make me a lesbian because I can't fall in love with a girl and I don't even want a relationship with one. It would be weird! But no matter how many times I say this to myself, no matter how much I analyze this thought - the OCD wins, and I lose. Sometimes I doubt if it's even OCD, I should I know? Maybe this is just me turning into a lesbian without me knowing about it, turning into something I don't really wanna be. I wanna get married and have kids - with a maaaan...

Sorry, I had to write these things out of me, help me? Haha.

I see OCD as a game sometimes too. A game you can't win.

I wanna learn much more about the brain, I'm thinking about studying to a psychiatrist because I love the brain. I love how it works and what it can do and what it can make us believe and doubt. It's pretty amazing from where I'm standing... I just wish this OCD could let go of me.

I read in a book that OCD is the devil itself. I think it's true.

Oshawott105 wrote:I've posted here a couple of times about HOCD and I think those thoughts are finally gone only be replaced by trans-OCD. I am so scared that I am thinking of being transsexual/transgender. I don't want to be. I've NEVER had these thoughts before and it just suddenly came up to me yesterday again. I only say again because a couple of months ago, I thought about the same thought, but after I stopped thinking about it, it went away and it was back to HOCD again. Now it's the same cycle, now I'm thinking I have TOCD. I don't even know if TOCD is a real illness like HOCD is because nobody seem to really have it. I love being a girl, I like getting my nails/hair done, I have girly clothes, and stuff like that. When I was younger, I was a tomboy, but once high school started, I like wearing skirts and being a girl. I think it's OCD because this thought was very suddenly and it's giving me anxiety. What do you guys think? I'm really scared of this one. I am hoping this too shall pass.

It depends on the range deprived from one's childhood. Some of us even have bonuses from these two. For example, when I was younger I did femine stuff, however now in 2018 I have a mixed combination of H/TOCD but to make matters worse, im also afraid that since a decrese in testerone I fear that my brain would turn into a female brain because the thing is that Im disabled. Even today I have a extra bonus from suffering from HOCD/TOCD. When Im back to my old heterosexual selfe as a male(though gender nonbinary due to tocd) 9/10 HOCD and TOCD bounus is to deploy bestality becasue a, Im not gay, b, Im not trans though I broke down to even think that and c, I dont liike animals like that. This is what happens when Im back to normal the deployment of animals to a certain degree. They watch and put it out there until I look at these animals they love to put out there. My advice to you is to keep investigating however when you have a bonus of x whether if it bestiality or whatever else in the book 9/10 the range is based on childhood and for smoe there a bonuss from H/TOCD to make it worse esphically when its back to your old self