a question. ocd/delusion(psychosis)

hi all ...
this is the first time i'm starting a thread on ocd sub-forum,i've my journal which explained a little bit about my background but i decided to start a new thread since i saw another member's thread discussing about pure o and delusion. what a coincidence. i've been really confused lately figuring out am i having delusion or it's just OCD. btw i am asian, pardon my english.

so basically i've been diagnosed with OCD. but sometimes i'm afraid i was being misdiagnosed by my psych because i didn't explain the details of my obsession and compulsion ( only had 30 min to talk with her ) but i told her in general. but i didn't go into 'very' detail, as i thought it would be very difficult for me to explain and due to the short time.

so i'm afraid i'm actually having delusional/psychosis instead of ocd. i never met ppl that having/had similar ocd theme as mine. i've million kind of obsession and compulsion. lets say i've 100 themes. for 25 of them, i know some ppl that may have this kind of OCD, but the rest of them, a big no. when i was asking this question to my psych why my theme is very different from the most of ocd sufferers, she just responded with 'oh yeah its different,indeed' unfortunately i won't get a chance to meet her anymore, to ask whether i'm having delusions or true OCD.

but i remember one thing she stated. she said that this illness has stolen so much of my life. and i'm crazy (not exactly crazy but sort of). and i should go back to 'normal person' she said. it made me more confused. what does it mean.

i've been looking for the answer on various website, including this forum. their answers were similar. such as :

Their thoughts aren’t based in reality, but the person believes the thoughts to be true ( for delusional )

Usually know that their obsessive thoughts don’t make sense, even if they respond to them as though they are “true.” (people with ocd)

my answer in my case : i know my thoughts don't make sense, but i believe (SOMEHOW) the thoughts to be true. but i know its bizarre and i've been really struggling with it. its very complicated very hard to explain, but i want to tell you that there are some thoughts that i want to get rid of (the negative ones), but some of it, i want keep it. (the positive ones) while every ppl with ocd want to get rid all the thoughts. so i'm extremely confused, i'm so afraid if i'm being delusional.

sorry for the long post. i know the majority of you suffer with pocd/hocd/rocd/classic ocd (cleaning,washing) and i'm sorry, i can imagine how hard it must be. but any comments would be appreciated, esp if you have similar experience. thank you so much

hi torrent -

I wont go into why I think most of our threads here are about HOCD/POCD, but that is a fact. And it can make others feel like their obsessions and compulsions are rarer.

I have had many, many obsessions over the years, and none of them were HOCD related. When I came here and read posts in this forum I was shocked by how many HOCD posts we had. But it's clearer to me now, why this is so. In the OCD world there are many people who suffer other things besides HOCD.

But you are not alone in the fact that you have so many obsessions.

OCD and Delusions are distinct, they both affect our sense of perception and how we deal with reality, and the world around us. But there are other things to consider, such as magical thinking.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles ... l-thinking

The brain is a powerful entity, and reality is not so black and white.

The general goal for mental heath professionals is to give their patients the opportunity to live a life that is free from those things which could harm themselves (or others) and/or inhibit them from living a productive life that they enjoy and control. Beyond that WE define what we want our life to be like.

I am sorry you couldn't spend more time with your pdoc and that she gave you these sweeping generalities to try and help you cope.

Yes, one of the biggest warning I try to give young people who post here is the idea that this disorder can waste a lot of time.

I wish you had better doctors where you are. I wish you could get proper meds. There a home remedies to work on, which I have explained here before.

I can't say 100% that you don't have delusions at any given time, but there is the notion that being delusional one would not fear that they are being delusional, because it is happening in that moment.

That said, there are people with Delusional Disorder, or other condition of which Psychosis is a part of their life on and off (like me with Bipolar Disorder), and as they being to understand their illness better, they have a concept of when things are starting to get bad. It is a rather complex situation.

As I have said elsewhere OCD is not something that will bring about Delusions. Nor will magical thinking, from what I understand. Fear of becoming delusional can definitely be a part of OCD.

otter.

hi Otter... first thing first thank you for your response. i know you're not a mental health professional but to be honest, your advice is so much better than i got from the psychiatrist. and i've read the link you gave me, its very amazing article to read esp for me who has a lot of magical thoughts. there are a few paragraphs in that article which i'm not entirely sure, but i got the most of it. i also wish i'm able to find a good psych and get proper meds, also therapy. but its unlikely to happen. (because of my country and other reasons) so just like the usual, self-medicate.

and i'm glad i'm not alone, because everytime i have 'my ocd moments' ,from the most simple until most complex, i always tell myself 'what the h*** i'm thinking..' i feel i am completely insane.

i always keep it all to myself and avoid people when i'm doing a ritual because i'm afraid of being labeled as a psycho,crazy,or insane. i feel so overwhelmed especially when i realize this magical thinking is irrational and bizarre. eventhough i've developed my own evidence that it does make sense as long as it doesn't harm others and help me to cope. and as long as i have it under control. i might have said that.

however your response up to now and the article made me realize that magical thinking ( what is happening to me ) is a part/theme of my OCD not delusion,in fact it's not that bad,its good in some ways and doesn't mean i'm being delusional. is it ok for me to hold on to that thoughts?

but i didn't mean to say being delusional or psychosis is bad, sorry otter, i feel like a bad person of saying that. but i'm glad to hear the psychosis symptom in bipolar disorder is on and off (on when manic episode is happening i guess?)

Hi Torrent,

It is hard to consider what is “crazy” or “insane” when there is no one kind of “normal” to test it against. In other words there is no universal “normal”

An atheist who watches people go to church on Sunday will think that those people are delusional. Are they? A person who carries a good luck coin with them every time they go on an airplane - are they crazy? Almost everyone would agree it doesn’t matter if he carries that coin our not.

You and I could sit and have coffee and come up with a million things that some people consider rational and others think are irrational.

Since we can’t identify normal, we have to turn to how our behavior affects our lives and how it affects the lives around us.

Does our behavior hurt others? Does our behavior hurt ourselves? Does it inhibit our ability to live the kind of life we want, etc.

If so, then we have to address the cause of those problems.

Since you have been here Torrent you have learned a lot, and your willingness to understand what is happening to you will help you in the long run. I am only sorry you don’t have good professional help there, because they would be able to help you understand what might be healthy cultural/personal ritualism and what has been overtaken by anxiety and OCD.

Don’t give up though, you’ll get there. If I had had half the will that you have, I would have been done with OCD long before I finally wised up.

Otter.

p.s don't worry about the psychotic/delusions comment, I understand.

thank you Otter for your kind words. over 12 years i had no idea what was happening to me, since i already know, i have to work hard to achieve my goals, to settle this matter. although i am still struggling but i admit i feel better these days, somehow. i am really looking forward for the moment when i feel confident in saying '' i can finally take full control of this illness and beat this demons '' wish me luck. and i hope you're doing well too Otter...

...i've been contemplating whether i should post this as i think it would be better if i keep it to myself but i need to get this off my chest. so let me vent...

i feel so overwhelmed n mixed up. and extremely tired. almost 3 months i'm free from my 'main' compulsion. but the bad thing is i'm still doing the 'mini' one in order to convince myself that the last main ritual i had 3 months ago already 'perfect' . but even its just a mini one, it took up more than 1 hour to accomplish. and if i make a very small mistake, or if i find a small flaw, i would repeat it from the beginning. and triggers are everywhere - in my daily life

i'm pretty sure there's nothing wrong with my magical thoughts based on my observation (this forum and various website) and my own tools. it helped me to cope. and give me strength. but this ocd makes the magical thinking not as healthy as it should be

the thing that made me so disappointed about myself is..

i have come to the point where i'm ready to beat this illness, i've realized and learned so many things. but no matter how much i've learned, how much i've understood, i've proved myself. got enough evidence. but i would still doubt. i keep questioning myself. this demon still trying to against me. the anxiety still there. no matter what. i don't want to give up despite how stressed i am. i want to believe in myself but its very hard. i don't know how. if anyone has any advice i'd really appreciate it. thanks ..

I think you will find that if you work every day on improving, you will continue to get better. It took me about 2 months from my lowest point to get back to my previous level of OCD. From there, it was a function of much effort I put in to improve. You basically have a lifetime of maladaptive behavior to combat against, so it takes a lot of work to change that. You seem like you are on the right path, just commit to working on it every day. I strongly suggest learning mindfulness also, I think this is the best tool for "Pure-O" OCD.

Ive discussed the whole delusion/OCD thing with my psychiatrists before. It's a tricky one at times. While generally speaking, OCD'ers know deep down that their fears are somewhat irrational, there are occasions where one can have OCD with co-morbid psychosis. When an obsession gets very severe, and anxiety so intense and prolonged that you can barely function, delusional symptoms can occur. I can't remember the statistics, it's a minority of OCD patients, but it can happen.
About 2 years ago I had a sudden and severe POCD relapse. It got so bad that I could barely talk properly and was telling the professionals that I was a paedophile and it was true etc etc. I lost touch with reality for a few weeks. I heard voices a couple of times too which had never ever happened to me before. I didn't believe it was OCD at all at that point, and was hospitalised. It took them several more weeks to convince me it was OCD. While not psychosis as such, I was somewhat delusional at the time. I also know a few people with Harm OCD and POCD who have 'confessed' to crimes they have not committed due to OCD. So while there is a difference between the two, it can get to that point if severe enough.
I hope you get more time with your doctor/psych, as they can help you with this. For an actual diagnosis, psychosis would be pretty obvious to a professional. They should be able to see the difference. Good luck

thinking13, thankyou for your reply. yeah many ppl said mindfulness/accepting the uncertainty is the best tool for ocd. i've decided i won't seek 100% truth. i know what i've obtained (70%) and i am willing to lose another 30% because i will never achieve that 100%. it's better i got 70% than i always suffer with this excessive thoughts and compulsions. but sadly its very hard for me to defend these thought, to believe in myself. 'am i right' and such are still haunting me although deep inside i know the answer...


hi elfie24, when i met the psych, she once asked me if i ever experience hallucination, like hearing voices. i said no.. i never had hallucination - as i remember. the reason why i'm afraid i am being delusional because i have magical thoughts,unusual thoughts and bizarre rituals. but i think i've overcome this fear. and thank you for sharing elfie24

Do not seek any answer. It makes the OCD so bad, so so bad. Decide you don't care anymore. Just let it go. That's the truth. Decide you don't give a damn, and if the idea still scares you, you're doing it wrong. When you decide you don't care, you can let go.


Reassurance, answer seeking, looking for truth/proof, is FUTILE! You will NEVER, EVER find ANY answer through OCD, your search is FUTILE and most importantly DESTRUCTIVE. The OCD will not permit you to see the truth, so stop trying to find it, because it will feed you lies instead.

Stop googling, stop checking, stop testing, stop wondering, stop fearing, decide you don't give a damn.

Read this, it will help.
obsessive-compulsive/topic144944.html


You can end this nightmare, but you need to have faith in the words of so many other OCD sufferers who will tell you the same thing --- let go for freedom.