The Imp of the Mind

Hi all, so trigger for suicide coming up in this post.

Okay, so I'm reading the book The Imp of the Mind, and it goes through several factors of when someone should be worried of their intrusive thoughts. One of them was basically if you're having suicidal ideation, get help. ASAP. All the others, as far as harming others, I can say don't apply to me... but the suicidal ideation does. I'm just so tired of having these thoughts, they terrify me. When it comes down to it, I know, I KNOW that I don't want to harm others but I think if I have to kill myself to protect others from me, I will. The thought of dying does somewhat comfort me in knowing that I won't have to deal with these thoughts and won't have to worry about harming others. I don't want to kill myself, which is why I'm seeking emergency help when I get off of work tonight, but even more so, I don't want to harm others.

So my question is: When she says get immediate help, does the author say so because she thinks that suicidal ideation can eventually lead to homicidal ideation? That's my fear here. Or does she say so because of those with suicidal intrusive thoughts?

I have not read the book, but almost any reason that brings someone to admit to having suicidal thoughts is going to yield the response, "get help immediately". Even if suicidal intrusive OCD thoughts are like most other OCD thoughts (irrational), most responses are still going to be "get help immediately".

Suicidal intrusive thoughts are one of the very few OCD "themes" I have never had. Still, I think it would be very hard for an intrusive thought to force you to commit suicide against your will.

Otter wrote:I have not read the book, but almost any reason that brings someone to admit to having suicidal thoughts is going to yield the response, "get help immediately". Even if suicidal intrusive OCD thoughts are like most other OCD thoughts (irrational), most responses are still going to be "get help immediately".

Suicidal intrusive thoughts are one of the very few OCD "themes" I have never had. Still, I think it would be very hard for an intrusive thought to force you to commit suicide against your will.

Well that's the thing. I don't think these are intrusive thoughts caused by OCD. I am in not really scared of these thoughts. They're almost comforting... and that's what scares me. What if my harm thoughts are not caused by OCD? What if I'm truly having these thoughts but fighting them because of my moral upbringing? What if one day I give in? That's what scares me. I just don't want there to be a link. I pray to God that my harm thoughts are from OCD.

Your logic still sounds like OCD or some sort of problem that is confusing normal logic.

Most people who are thinking about committing suicide, know that they want to commit suicide on some level. In other words, it is THEIR IDEA.

You make it sound like the notion of suicide will hit you like getting cancer, like something you can't do anything about. Look at your last sentence:

I pray to God that my harm thoughts are from OCD.

The key words "are from". This means you feel that the thoughts you are having are from another source other than your conscious involvement in them.

You say in the first part of your the post above:

I am in not really scared of these thoughts.

then later you say...

That's what scares me. I just don't want there to be a link. I pray to God that my harm thoughts are from OCD.

All those sentences are full of fear. You are scared. This is how anxiety screws up logic in the thought process. I t creates an internal dialogue that is full of contradictions, so it can end up with the perfect kind of fear.

I was hospitalized when I was 18. My first two roommates were suicides that were caught in time - accidentally (they fully wanted to do it). I have known suicides all my life, some who are gone and some who are still struggle and a few who are free of their depression. I have never known one that was afraid they would somehow get to be suicidal against their will, or have it somehow creep up on them.

I am sorry for what you are suffering. I have suffered even more irrational and illogical worries. All of them seem real.

I want to ask you if YOU REALLY WANT TO COMMIT SUICIDE, but I'm not sure you can give me a clear answer, because you are obsessing.

If need be, let a professional sort things out. They will know all the key questions to ask, and give you good feedback about what they see.