weird type of ocd hopfully?

I have loved myself for 21 years beating ocds like hocd and other ones like that. However that was all because I knew I could beat it to help myself. Now the OCD is about Not loving myself. Thinking things like what if I was born with different genetics or hormones? I would be someone totally different and Think different. Why should I care at all about myself? the whole help myself concept is the OCD. I am getting anxious that I don't like how I think and my personality even though nothing has changed. whenever I do something I like I get really anxious and think stuff like If I was someone else I wouldn't like this, I would live a better life. Or I would tell myself that I was forced to be this way I dont have a choice. Just like random stupid questions that get me really anxious that I dont love myself anymore or anything about me. I can't actually feel this way because it's obsessive and gives me anxiety right? I wish I could go back to just being me before questioning like my existence. I feel like I just want to be in 3rd person and forget everything about me like my exsistance shouldent be here. I get anxious because before these thoughts like 2 weeks ago I was confident and like my humor, now I feel that everything is pointless.

The only way I deal is to just say its misfired anxiety because I obsess and fear this just like all my other fears.

Sounds like OCD to me. If you have had OCD in the past, you likely still have OCD. There is no cure. It can seem to go dormant, and then arise out of seemingly nowhere. Obsessions tend to morph into whatever scares you the most at the time. It seems your OCD has just found something that tends to scare you more than previous obsessions.

How did you "beat" OCD in the past? CBT? ERP? You can use the same tools as before. It's a different obsession, same disease.