Do I have OCD/HOCD or are these just urges?

Hi, please help.

It's been around 3 months now, and I don't remember the day before this began. It makes me sad thinking that I haven't had a 'normal' day in so long. I don't know how or started but I began to doubt everything. Everything I knew had to be torn apart and over analysed so that it no longer had a true answer. This is still happening, simple things for example do I want to be with my boyfriend no yes no why what if blah blah. It goes on causing huge distress as one, I do t know where they come from, and two, the distress of having these thoughts hurts me more. Intruding disgusting thoughts then pop into my mind such as kissing my family members/ friends/ even mother. I don't want to do this atall

Thoughts have escalated into , but what if I'm a lesbian? At first this was terrifying, then even more terrifying as I contemplate and analyse it. Checking how I feel checking what I've done in the past checking if I feel anything. I have found it hard to hang out with my best girl friends incase I get these thoughts.
It's got to a point where I just feel numb. I know I love my boyfriend and I more than enjoy spending time with him the bad thoughts usually go away. But I can't cope, many occasions I have almost comforted myself in the thought of suicide. It's been a horrible few months.

Is this me now? Is this what I am? How do I even know what my heart wants when my brain is so irrational and disgusting. Please someone tell me what's wrong with me will it go away

Ok you need to take deep breaths and relax. You need to get help a.s.a.p if you have suicidal thoughts. I think its best if you talk to someone and try get a therapist. It is ocd and its not your fault. Could you tell me how old you are? I have really bad anxiety and I need to get rid of it to. Plus it can start of anything gpod or bad things so don't panic

-- Mon Jun 09, 2014 1:06 am --

Ok you need to take deep breaths and relax. You need to get help a.s.a.p if you have suicidal thoughts. I think its best if you talk to someone and try get a therapist. It is ocd and its not your fault. Could you tell me how old you are? I have really bad anxiety and I need to get rid of it to. Plus it can start of anything gpod or bad things so don't panic

-- Mon Jun 09, 2014 1:06 am --

Ok you need to take deep breaths and relax. You need to get help a.s.a.p if you have suicidal thoughts. I think its best if you talk to someone and try get a therapist. It is ocd and its not your fault. Could you tell me how old you are? I have really bad anxiety and I need to get rid of it to. Plus it can start of anything gpod or bad things so don't panic