Hello I'm new

Hi. To begin I'm diagnosed with GAD, Depression, and Personality Disorder NOS but by the time my psychiatrist and I have discussed how anxious and depressed I am there isn't any time to address the following: I constantly have snippets of songs, parts of conversations I've had, rhythms or beats looping and repeating in my mind all day. I catch myself tapping my thumbs to my fingers in specific patterns, clenching and unclenching my jaw, or rocking my body in "rhythm" to these looping thoughts.
I'm posting here because I think maybe this qualifies as obsessive but I don't really know. Mostly these aren't complete thoughts; but when they are they are things I'm really worried or hurt about. I.E: the last relationship I was in and how it ended, how I hate my physical appearance, etcetera. I also replay situations I've been in over and over as well as situations with people I know that haven't even occured (but I think could?).
I'm a perfectionist and will recheck things over and over and over such as anything having to do with numbers, or whether I forgot my wallet, phone, even non-critical things in my backpack. Even though I'm a perfectionist and will redo four pages of notes because I misspelled or sloppily wrote something, I haven't finished much of anything in my life and have a tendency to let things go and problems pile up. I wish I could just cry or meltdown and somehow let go of all this, start just one day with some control over how much energy I put into my thoughts.
These things really bother me and effect my quality of life. I didn't always realize this to be the case. Even though I can see how unhappy these traits are making me, I feel fake or phony listing them out like that. I'm so contradictory and can't find where I fit, I feel empty and fake. I don't know. I'm on medicaid finally so I am starting therapy and intend to bring all this up. Thanks for reading and any input would be appreciated.

Hi BlackMetal.

Almost all of what you mentioned I have suffered or still suffer. My Dx was BiPolar, OCD and other things. It is hard to categorize everything when you have been diagnosed with mutliple things - as it was with me.

I constantly have snippets of songs, parts of conversations I've had, rhythms or beats looping and repeating in my mind all day. I catch myself tapping my thumbs to my fingers in specific patterns, clenching and unclenching my jaw, or rocking my body in "rhythm" to these looping thoughts.

This is one I haven't seen often here, but I have suffered the same thing. When my anxiety is high I constantly have songs, snippets of songs, beats, etc going on, over and over. Even when I awake from sleep it will be going through my head.

The rest does seem like some OCD or things that could be part of your GAD. The empty and fake might be related to your depression and PD NOS.

I would tell your Psych about this. They might tag some of it OCD. But I imagine the meds you are going to take or are taking, that address the GAD/Depression will bring OCD along for the ride. However, telling your Psychiatrist might give them a better idea of dosage or what kind of med you might take.

If time is the issue, you might want to go as far as typing out the symptoms and simply reading it to them. It's sounds silly, but it will get the job done.

At any rate, I think the Dx you have been given was a good one. But if you/them, didn't get to the OCD part, I can tell you as a peer-sufferer, that I have suffered many of those things.

Otter

Thank you for the response. I'm taking Welbutrin, Lamotrigine and Ativan. I've noticed that my concentration has improved slightly since starting these meds and my depression and anxiety have been alleviated some. I look forward to getting into some type of therapy soon.