HOCD or sudden change..

So... this is about 4 or 5 months since it started. I have been through a lot. I couldn't speak to anyone, I would constantly think I was getting aroused by friends, I even thought my ass was hurting because I wanted to get it from behind..
Many images, many thoughts, inability to live with or without this.
I was anxious all day long about it, nothing would make sense, I couldn't eat or sleep, I couldn't think anything than this, check everything and everyone around me, just constant anxiety.
Some days were better, some days I thought I was good. I blocked the thoughts, but they came back stronger, I accepted, they would torture me.
Thing is with me I am addicted to anxiety, it makes me feel alive this period of my life, that has been hard with me getting overemotional, having panic attacks, falling into depression feeling empty inside and start over again. But that doesn't apply to many of you guys. I tried accepting my sexuality, even if that was homosexual, I know it wasn't easy for any of them.. But turns out I just couldn't, inside me something said no, even though my brain says yes.
I won't tell anyone what to do to fix this. I tried many things, most didn't work. But one thought did.
The thought that I can just be free to like whatever I want.
And then men didn't look that attractive anymore, my friend was just my friend and not someone I felt weird with because I thought I craved for him. And then I was happy, lightheaded, women seemed beautiful again, I craved for them.
Still I look at other guys, it has become a habit of checking, but I know what I feel and it is not arousal, more like it is just weird to force my self to look. It sure is a big step from "I looked because I liked it, I know I did, I felt something there, I am gay"
Well I can't tell if I am gay or not really. I just feel way lighter, happier and better, I don't constantly look at men or feel anxious, I don't think of gay images and swap to straight to reassure myself and I can actually focus. I like women better and I just enjoyed masturbating to women thoughts more than anything the last 5 months.
It takes time to accept, people get their own way out of this thing, my way was to accept uncertainty. I accept not that I am gay, or I might be. I accept that I can love and like and be aroused to whoever I want. And things are just simple now, it is only the first day of it but I think it suits me. Hope I help someone out there.

Dude it's been around 4 years since ur last post.Have u felt any different or is tat OCD bastard still bothering u?
P.S: I'm a recent victim of Hocd and like u said it got calmer now and I'm starting to think tat im turning into one.