When I was 6 I was sexually abused by my uncle... It was obviously a traumatic time but as I've grown up I've suffered from very intrusive thoughts of all sorts, fear that I might be Lesbian, fear that I'm attracted to old people, fear that I might do something to harm myself, fear that I'm attracted to animals, fear that I could ever murder someone, fear that I have an illness such as cancer, fear that I have a bad mental illness like psychosis...
But the one that I'm recently dealing with lately and have done in the past is what if Im a peadophile??
I'm absolutely petrified, anxiety is spiralling out of control.
I've had groinal responses in situations and I've been so freaked out by it it's unbelievable- for example, the other weekend I stayed at my friends and her 4 year old daughter was in bed with her naked, I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life my anxiety was going crazy but I had this crazy groinal response and it really scared me I just wanted to up and leave.
I've checked before when I've been researching this to see if I was lubricated and I was! What the hell????????? I don't understand why because the topic disgusts me and I would never want to be like my uncle
Please can someone explain what's happening to me? I've never been this scared about anything in my life. I would never harm a child and I know that but when these thoughts attack so does doubt. I couldn't live with myself if I was a peadophile I really couldn't.
I wanted to have a family one day but now I'm in doubt that I ever can
thanks
Otter Space Man
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