Ok please give some opinions again!!!!

Throughout my 25 yrs of having ocd I've had many themes. My ocd always effects me in such a way that I worry so much that at times I actually believe the thoughts. I say at times because whenever moments of clarity come I know then that it's all ocds lies and not me. But when in the midst of bad obsessing and mental checking I find myself believing my thought and I get so anxious and numb. Like for instance with HIV ocd I went through. I didn't even have a risk but I actually worried myself into believing I had it. I took not one but two negative test! Even the dr told me I didn't need it. But I did anyway because in my doubt filled mind I had the dreaded disease. Well that left and all was good until 2008 came and rocd with it. I literally made myself believe I didn't love my girlfriend of 4 yrs. we eventually broke up and harm ocd moved in again about my only child who means the world to me. It was the second time I had had ocd pertaining to him. It was horrible as usual and the fear I wanted to harm my kid was downright debilitating. I eventually got over it and was fine until 2011. A bad stomach bug was going around and my son caught it. Well I have a phobia of vomiting and my ocd latched onto this fear. For 3 yrs I convinced myself daily I was coming down with a virus. I would feel sick with stomach pain even. This turned into fears of colon cancer!!! I literally thought I had it!!! I was sick everyday but I never vomited!!!! Imagine that ha ha. Well this lasted up until a month ago and my harm ocd started again. Guess what my stomach has not bothered me since it changed over to the harm theme. It was ocd all the time. Now my harm ocd is bout my precious son again and the I want to harm him thought is still there all the time. I hate violence and I've never hurt another person in my life intentionally. I'm a nice family man who loves my son with all my heart. This thought of I want to harm my son is really making me doubt my very self. It's like ocd makes me believe it but at the same time my heart is yelling no no that's horrible and crazy. The thoughts always send a shot of anxiety straight through me to my very soul. The thoughts feel so alien to me. I constantly confess them to family and I ruminate hours each day. It's like I'm thinking this crap but I don't know why. It makes no sense at all. I have never thought stuff like this unless it was ocd. But how does ocd make u doubt your very self??? It worries me to the point of tears sometimes. It's like my mind is fogged and I can't talk back to it right now. It's like when ocd thoughts come in I believe them. And this causes so much anxiety and mental anguish so I know I really don't believe them. Cause if I were really thinking these things and truly wanted to ever harm a person it wouldn't bother me this way right?? I've been this way so many times even about my dad. If you knew me personally you would know how different I am from these thoughts. Not being boastful at all but I am a nice guy with a big heart. So why can't i just see that I don't wanna harm anyone and just tell ocd to go to hell? It like a fight in my mind with myself. Any words of wisdom? I was just wondering if ocd can make you actually feel like you believe the thoughts sometimes. I guess I know yes but it sure is hard to make myself believe the truth. I mean I still do the compulsions of hand washing checking etc. the very reason I do them is to keep harm from happening! So it's plain to see I don't wanna harm! I know for a fact I don't want anything to happen to my son and I know I'd die if it did so there is another piece of evidence there. I don't have the capability to harm another person so why do u believe ocds lies?????

Ridge - the intensity of your OCD is too high. Either the Zoloft isn't working or the dosage is too low. Please see your doc and tell all. You are spiking too often.

Otter

I'm no expert on the actual psychology of it at all, but in my experience, yes, you can definitely start believing the lies. Absolutely. Whenever I had HOCD, I honestly believed that I was gay. I have never had a gay thought in my life and yet I was convinced I was gay. It got to the point where I was actually almost sure I was gay. The very nature of OCD is of doubt. You will constantly doubt even your strongest of convictions, to the point where you will start believing the exact opposite. So to answer your question, yes, in my opinion it is extremely possible to start believing them.

I am so sorry you're going through this. Yes, I think you can actually believe your thoughts ... but I don't know if that's the case necessarily with OCD. It seems that it's more the fear that WHAT IF they are true - at least, for me, that's how it's been. Part of you still really disbelieves them and knows they are a lie, but the OCD part keeps saying, "Well, what if they aren't?" Are you on any medication or seeing a therapist?

This is awsome... i finally found someone that not only goes through the same stuff but i can tell how bad your ocd really is.... thats been my problem for 5 years is that i feel know bodys ocd was as intense as mine.... i mean with your discription you hit the nail in the head as to what mine is... feel free to pm me... we will be able to help eachother.... thanks for posting