ARGGH! GO AWAY THOUGHTS! LEAVE ME ALONE!

After months and months of thoughts like "Oh I'd like to do things to him" (Sexual things) or "He's so hot" These thoughts generally caused me headaches and were not welcome, I wanted so desperately to be straight because I felt that's what I was. To be honest I don't think I'd enjoy that gay relationships as much as I would with women, men don't or have never gotten me an erection.
But that's not the point either, I've learned to deal with the thoughts by just letting them be there.
My problem is, I don't mind that they're there because I know they don't mean anything, but god dammit, the thoughts interrupt my life! They enter my brain at the worst possible moments, like when I'm trying to watch and enjoy a movie or play a good video game or relaxing, I can never get relief from these thoughts, they give me headaches, and I don't mind that their there because they are not my real thoughts, but when they start interrupting my life and making everything in my life less enjoyable I start to get god damn annoyed by them and just want them to go away so I can play that game or watch that movie in peace!

Hi Shadow -

It's a great thing when we begin to understand, intellectually, that the OCD thoughts we have are not real, but they still affect us on an emotional level and drain some of the pleasure out of life. Anxiety will always push and push it's way into our experience.

Distracting ourselves is a good way to start handling our OCD.However, like you my brain would start to associate a pleasurable experience as a time to set off bad thoughts. This happened a lot. Just when I was about to feel good about something in came the bad thoughts to lessen the good feelings. It's sabotage.

Anxiety is like a heated pan, and any bad thought that touches it begins to cook. Some "pans" are hotter than others. In your case, it may not be so hot but it still can cook. You have to do what you can (meds, therapy, whatever) to get that heat down.

Otter

"and I don't mind that their there because they are not my real thoughts, "

Hey SK, what do you mean by they are not your real thoughts? That what they say isn't true about you, or that they aren't actually coming from you?

I can assure you, you are not the only going through this. I do too, and thousands of others. Even when you think you have an answer, you question again.

From my experience, i suggest you keep a journal log about how many times a day you think about it. Try to keep it down every day. When you get the thought swat it away. You might see the number go up and down, but it will get better. Another way to cope is to tell your self you might have an attraction to guys. Lots of guys do, but we dont tell people. Sexuality is fluid, and lots of people go through life happily not being sure. Think about the porn stars out there who are "gay for pay" and sleep just fine at night knowing that deep down, there straight. Oh, and also, a gronial response means nothing. Its like a male rape victim getting an erection, they weren't aroused, they just had an erection.

Like otter said, you should try therapy or meds, ect. PM me for any other questions.

Michael

thinking13 wrote:"and I don't mind that their there because they are not my real thoughts, "

Hey SK, what do you mean by they are not your real thoughts? That what they say isn't true about you, or that they aren't actually coming from you?

They say what isn't true about me

ok thanks, i hear that phrase alot on here "unreal thoughts" and it always kid of confused me.