Do I have POCD?

Dear good people,

My name is Greenwoods, a 15-year-old guy from the Netherlands.
A few months ago a classmate called me a pedophile without any reason. I didn’t react that much, but after a few times she said that to me, I did react. Later, I had to do an internship on an elementaryschool. But every day, I was thinking more about being a pedophile. I never thought about being a pedophile before. But ya…that internship…
While that internship I wasn’t even aroused with those childern. Actually, my whole life I didn’t really like children. I found them even kinda annoying.
But later while that internships, I was thinking “Hmm, those it's are kinda cute”. But no more than that.
When I masturbate I actually only think about kids of my own age (14/17).
And now, every second, my minds tells me I’m a pedophile. Really strange. I’m thinking every second about it. Every day I do some researche on the internet about pedophilia of symptoms and signs. I tried to masturbate with younger kids in my head, but it didn’t work. I didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t feel something. I was trying on my best, but the feeling was sooooo minimal. So I was continued with people of my own age. But I'm afraid if I keep trying to find out if I'm a pedophile, I will enjoy it. I hate this feeling. I hate to get those weird thoughts in my head, and voices who tell me I’m a pedophile. I experiment with everything to see if I’m a pedophile. I’m getting depressed, and I don’t like to spend more attention on the thing I always loved to do (making Iirish music with my flute and friends). People…is this POCD? I don’t like the thoughts. I don’t get aroused with children yet, but every time I try, I got the feeling that the arousing feeling got stronger bit by bit. The thought came almost out of nothing, and of coure of my classmate. I’m getting crazy, because I never thought about it before.

Thank you for letting tell me my story…


Kind regards,

Greenwoods

Hey buddy its pocd.. mine started like that too and got way worse... but its pocd

Revemup15 wrote:Hey buddy its pocd.. mine started like that too and got way worse... but its pocd

Hi there,

Thank you so much for replying my post.
I think POCD is one of the most worst disorders in OCD.
When people say to me that I have POCD, then I have more confidence that I'm not a pedophile.

Thank you!

Can't give a diagnosis but it sounds in line with pocd. Try to find an anxiety person who does cbt. Early intervention is extremely helpful with ocd that presents in adolescence or younger

It's definitely POCD. My POCD didn't start this same way, but I had some of the same compulsive behaviors and thought patterns.

As hard as this is to do, the first thing you have to do is stop trying to prove you're not a pedophile. This means thinking about children trying to not get an erection over it. This will never work, and will only make you feel more and more like you might be a pedophile when you really aren't.

Our minds can trick us into believing we find something attractive when we really don't. This is because our minds are not programmed to think sexually about something we don't find attractive. So essentially when you start to feel you might be getting aroused over kids, what you're doing is physiologically thinking of something sexually desirable and associating it with kids, so you may believe you were getting an erection over kids, when in reality you already started to form it before the thoughts of children even entered the picture.

If you don't feel you have a sexual and romantic interest in children, and you don't feel you want to have sex with a child, then stop doing this to yourself.